It was Riveting.
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But a Tiger Wood.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned and said: “And you will dialogue.”
My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
Just five more minutes.
It's not stroganoff
“The Doctor will see you now.”
The customer asks "Why do you have a spoon in your pocket?" To which the waiter replies "It's part of a new program to save time the restaurant is doing. If I drop a soup spoon, I can quickly replace it with the spoon in my pocket, and then switch the dirty one out next time I'm in the kitchen." The customer is visibly impressed. He then notices something else. He asks "Is that the same reason you have a ketchup bottle in your apron?" The waiter says "Exactly!" The customer says "One last question. Why is there a string coming out of your fly?" The waiter explains "That string is tied to my penis. When i go pee, i just have to unzip and then give it a tug. That way, i save valuable time not having to wash my hands." The customer says "I see. But how do you get your penis back in your pants without touching it?" The waiter replies "I don't know about the other waiters, but I use my spoon."
Server: slaps customer THE MEN I PLEASE ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
A bad marksman shoots, but can't hit. A constipated owl hoots, but can't shit.
Thanks daylight savings!
He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool.
Picking his nose!
Having to go back in and ask for a hanger.
They checked our reviews. One star.
"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."
I said, “Sure. My door is always open.”
They didn't do anything.
Another great thing ruined by a period.
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea
You will be mist.
So I packed my bag and right
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I will down vote myself on the way out….
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Ask them for their watergraph.
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire. The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket! After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
I need an answer like RIGHT NOW!!!
Guess who came crawling back
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