I hired the most obese personal assistant I could find.
She’s a really big help.
A garbage truck
A guy who's too drunk to follow orders.
PURRR-jamas! She'll be a pro dad joke designer in no time. #prouddad
Because camping is in tents.
A un-aware wolf
Tech Support: Thanks for calling our repair shop, how may I help you? Customer: I unplugged my space heater and my computer said “no signal” and went black! Tech support: Does the keyboard or mouse make it turn back on? Customer: No, it doesn’t. Tech support: Did the power strip turn off? Sometimes they trip off when something like that gets unplugged. Customer: No, it’s still on, still has the green light. Tech support: Could you follow the cords on your computer and make sure none are frayed? Customer: (rustle rustle) Okay, both cords are fine. They’re good as new. Tech support: (Thinking, both cords? There should be more than 2 on a desktop) Could you tell me where the cords go? Customer: One goes to the wall, and the other one goes to the space heater. Tech support: The cord on your computer goes to the space heater? Customer: Yes. Tech support: (facepalm) Try plugging the “space heater” back in. Customer: Oh! Now the computer is working again.
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And then it clicked.
Who knew there was an incorrect way to use a colander….
…NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.
How many grams of creamer can I dissolve in a 60°c 330ml water?
She's very appreciative of our commitment to recycling jokes.
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
A Juan on Juan
…since then my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.
More on this after the break.
SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym…
For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
and there names of each member were : Anna1 Anna2 Anna1234 (saw this on r/tinder)
Did you know the population of Ireland is growing at a faster rate than any other country in the world?
It’s capital has been Dublin every year.
…just because I was the first person to discover a new crack I the earth's crust, everybody was acting like it's my fault.
He always finds them funny
For hispanic attacks.