I invented a new word
A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They both look really depressed.
The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed." "What a conicidence" he said. "My wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed too." They start talking and after a few more drinks they decide to go to the woman's apartment for some kinky sex. When they arrive at her apartment she tells him she needs a few minutes so she can slip into something more uncomfortable. She comes out of the bathroom with a tight black leather outfit, holding a whip and handcuffs. Then she hurries into the kitchen and comes out with tabasco sauce, whipped cream and a rolling pin. She notices that the man is putting on his coat and is walking towards the door to leave. "What's going on?" she asks. "I thought you wanted to get kinky?" He turns around and says, "I just fucked your dog and shat in your purse. I'm all done."
My next shit could spell disaster.
…she seemed very surprised!
A receding hare line.
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
Ive never worked so hard before in my life.
A lottery winner decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse and goes to a high end stable.
"I'm not really sure which kind I want," he tells the owner. "Well, it depends on what you want them to do," the owner says. "Over here, we have a Type A horse – good workers, but temperamental. Back there eating hay you have a Type B horse – mostly good for companionship." "That sounds interesting. What about the one swimming in the lake over there?" the lottery winner says. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."
Not unless you count Dracula
I’m 22 to say it.
I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.
It’s a small scale operation.
They will be so disappointed when the finale is not a cliffhanger.
Add btomine to uranium and hydrogen to get Br2UH ITS BRUH CHEMICAL
“Pop” goes the weasel.
Like no bell prize.
I don’t think I’ll be able to look at her in the same light ever again.
…because then it would be a foot
I'd probably get bronze.
Unfortunately, she blew it!
Jewish Kid : “ME! ME! ME!” Teacher : “Okay what else?”
that if a woman says "smell this" it usually smells nice
It doesn't last long for fat people
But those letters aren’t silent. They’re just waiting their turn.
"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion. He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is in shock and asks if there's anything he should do. The doctor pauses a moment and says, "Can I give you some non- medical advice?" "Sure, anything, Doc. I'm desperate! " "Are you religious? the doctor asks. "Not at all," says the patient. "Well," says the doctor, "I encourage you to join the Mormon church. Go to every service, get involved with every group and small organization you can and completely immerse yourself into that religion. I mean, EVERY aspect of it you can." The patient perks up and is feeling hopeful. "Will that extend my life?!" "No," says the doctor, "But it'll be the longest fucking 6 months you've ever had."
It was here a minute ago
I don’t remember the rest.
For the 22nd time.