I just ate 2000 pounds of Chinese soup
It was Won Ton
I'm not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper.
He got a little behind in his work
To cover there butt Quacks! Straight from my ten year old…. I’m so proud.
It's called the electric slide
They couldn't find another man of his caliber.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."
Yes, we arson.
The first time he set a building on fire, I turned to my wife and said, "yep, that's arson."
Terrible joke. Only 3 stars.
A saw a man with the hood on his coat jumping up and down. People were going crazy, throwing money at it. I asked him if he makes a living like that, he said, "Yes, it's my livelihood."
even the cake was in tiers.
Your under a vest
..is a shitty way to tell a kid they're adopted
It's syncing now.
Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was sizable movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened?!" The husband said, "I think she choked."
They were great yolks
Doris locked that’s why I’m knocking
Nothing, they're already stuffed…
Janes Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
But I just don’t have the balls to do it
I really enjoy watching the end credits.
Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
Ba na na na
Because he's always in stitches!
The letter G
Last week a friend of mine was wearing a condom, when the women’s husband came home and shot him dead
It was an unexpected Journey.
tells me to sit
I replied, "Yes of course, that'd be 20 cows."
A ring actually means something to Gollum.
When you replace the b with a d
They don’t have the guts.