I just spotted an albino Dalmatian.
It was the least I could do to help.
I have contacts.
It's really growing on me
i don’t really know how to feel about that
I will be in my Lab if you need me.
Great food, no atmosphere.
I responded with "I have a math test tommorow" She looked a bit confused so I said "I thought we were listing things we could cheat on."
When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex.
All the slides were just pictures of me.
Because someone rubbed him the wrong way.
but you guys didn't like it
Because you’ll get Jurass kicked..
When thrown at a close-range, especially.
Because it’s cheaper…
but she broke up with me due to incorrect use of the colon
Bandersnatch. I'm sorry.
We ended up getting into a row.
I said "Don't forget your Baghdad"
Carrots may be good for your eyes but booze will double your vision.
to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo. After it wouldn't wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there.
…before I got arrested I said "wait I can explain everything
For my black jeep…
Pun in, ten dead.
They lied, everyone else had their clothes on
As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"
And a lifetime ban from London Zoo.
So after 24 hours, I called it a day!
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
Mostly because his name is Steve…
You know, one would have been enough.
My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?” [NSFW]
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes – meet me in the car park."
No text found
A mother asks her son: "Bob, do you think I’m a bad mom?" – Son: "My name is Paul."
Put a little boogie in it
They’re making all the headlines…
Only the Sith deal in Absolut.
They were prime mates.
I just want to make myself clear.
He does as instructed. Wife: now take off my blouse…. He does it.. Wife : now take off my skirt…. He does it. Wife : now take off bra. He does it. Wife : now take off my panties.. He does it.. Wife : Now don't you ever wear my clothes again.