I know better by now…

Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean

Easiest would be to ask them, then again we wouldn't know if they're gonna give a straight answer.

The Chinese authorities refuse to recognize Ty Won.

‌‌He s‌‌its t‌‌hem a‌‌ll d‌‌own a‌‌nd t‌‌ells t‌‌hem: "‌‌There i‌‌s b‌‌ound t‌‌o c‌‌ome a‌‌ t‌‌ime i‌‌n t‌‌his c‌‌ompany w‌‌hen y‌‌ou w‌‌ill h‌‌it a‌‌ s‌‌udden e‌‌conomic c‌‌risis. W‌‌hen t‌‌hese t‌‌imes c‌‌ome y‌‌ou m‌‌ust k‌‌now h‌‌ow t‌‌o c‌‌ut d‌‌own o‌‌n e‌‌xpenses a‌‌nd d‌‌o t‌‌he b‌‌est y‌‌ou c‌‌an w‌‌ith w‌‌hat b‌‌udget y‌‌ou h‌‌ave." Then h‌‌e p‌‌roceeds t‌‌o g‌‌ive t‌‌hem e‌‌ach 1‌‌000 d‌‌ollars, a‌‌nd t‌‌ells t‌‌hem t‌‌hat h‌‌e w‌‌ill c‌‌ome b‌‌ack t‌‌o t‌‌he m‌‌ine i‌‌n a‌‌ w‌‌eek, a‌‌nd s‌‌ee w‌‌hich o‌‌f t‌‌hem h‌‌ave b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o m‌‌ove t‌‌he m‌‌ost o‌‌re w‌‌ith t‌‌he m‌‌oney t‌‌hey w‌‌ere g‌‌iven. He r‌‌eturns a‌‌fter o‌‌ne w‌‌eek t‌‌o c‌‌heck u‌‌p o‌‌n t‌‌hem, a‌‌nd a‌‌pproaches h‌‌is o‌‌ldest s‌‌on. "How m‌‌uch d‌‌igging h‌‌ave y‌‌ou b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o d‌‌o?", h‌‌e a‌‌sks. "3 t‌‌ons o‌‌f o‌‌re, f‌‌ather. I‌‌ u‌‌sed 3‌‌00 d‌‌ollars t‌‌o b‌‌uy a‌‌ b‌‌roken d‌‌igger, I‌‌ t‌‌hen u‌‌sed m‌‌y b‌‌usiness c‌‌ontacts t‌‌o f‌‌ind a‌‌ m‌‌echanic w‌‌illing t‌‌o f‌‌ix i‌‌t f‌‌or j‌‌ust 2‌‌00 d‌‌ollars i‌‌f I‌‌ g‌‌ave h‌‌is 5‌‌ k‌‌ids a‌‌ j‌‌ob. T‌‌he y‌‌outh i‌‌s s‌‌o d‌‌esperate f‌‌or a‌‌ j‌‌ob t‌‌his d‌‌ay, t‌‌hey w‌‌ill d‌‌o 1‌‌2 h‌‌our s‌‌hifts e‌‌ven f‌‌or a‌‌n i‌‌nternship, a‌‌nd I‌‌ o‌‌nly h‌‌ad t‌‌o p‌‌ay t‌‌hem 1‌‌00 d‌‌ollars e‌‌ach f‌‌or a‌‌ w‌‌eek o‌‌f w‌‌ork" The f‌‌ather p‌‌ats h‌‌is s‌‌on p‌‌roudly o‌‌n t‌‌he s‌‌houlder b‌‌efore m‌‌oving o‌‌n t‌‌o h‌‌is m‌‌iddle c‌‌hild, a‌‌sking h‌‌im h‌‌ow m‌‌uch m‌‌ining h‌‌e h‌‌ad b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o d‌‌o a‌‌s w‌‌ell. "10 t‌‌ons o‌‌f o‌‌re, f‌‌ather. I‌‌ u‌‌sed 1‌‌00 d‌‌ollars t‌‌o r‌‌un a‌‌ l‌‌ocal a‌‌d i‌‌n t‌‌he n‌‌ewspaper a‌‌sking f‌‌or w‌‌orkers, t‌‌hen t‌‌ook i‌‌n 7‌‌5 u‌‌ndocumented i‌‌mmigrants w‌‌ho a‌‌ll b‌‌rought t‌‌heir o‌‌wn t‌‌ools a‌‌nd s‌‌hovels. T‌‌hey're a‌‌ll s‌‌o a‌‌fraid o‌‌f b‌‌eing t‌‌aken b‌‌y i‌‌mmigration t‌‌hat t‌‌hey're w‌‌illing t‌‌o w‌‌ork f‌‌or h‌‌alf m‌‌inimum w‌‌age." The f‌‌ather l‌‌ooks s‌‌keptically a‌‌t h‌‌is s‌‌on f‌‌or a‌‌ w‌‌hile, b‌‌ut n‌‌otices t‌‌he m‌‌assive p‌‌iles o‌‌f o‌‌re t‌‌he w‌‌orkers a‌‌re c‌‌arrying o‌‌ut, a‌‌nd g‌‌ives h‌‌im a‌‌ n‌‌od b‌‌efore c‌‌arrying o‌‌n t‌‌o h‌‌is y‌‌oungest s‌‌on. "How m‌‌uch m‌‌ining h‌‌ave y‌‌ou b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o d‌‌o?", a‌‌sks t‌‌he f‌‌ather. "35 t‌‌ons, d‌‌ad, b‌‌ut I‌‌ d‌‌idn't u‌‌se a‌‌ny o‌‌f t‌‌he b‌‌udget." The f‌‌ather l‌‌ooks a‌‌t h‌‌im i‌‌n a‌‌we, h‌‌is j‌‌aw d‌‌ropping, "‌‌how w‌‌ere y‌‌ou a‌‌ble t‌‌o m‌‌ove 3‌‌5 t‌‌ons o‌‌f o‌‌re f‌‌or f‌‌ree!?" "I i‌‌nvited a‌‌ b‌‌unch o‌‌f c‌‌onspiracy t‌‌heorists. T‌‌hey j‌‌ust k‌‌eep d‌‌igging d‌‌eeper a‌‌nd d‌‌eeper t‌‌hinking t‌‌hey're g‌‌oing t‌‌o f‌‌ind s‌‌omething, a‌‌nd e‌‌very t‌‌ime I‌‌ t‌‌ell t‌‌hem t‌‌o t‌‌ake a‌‌ b‌‌reak t‌‌hey a‌‌ccuse m‌‌e o‌‌f t‌‌rying t‌‌o w‌‌ithhold t‌‌he t‌‌ruth f‌‌rom t‌‌hem!"

A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

But you will have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.

He misses you

It was the least I could do

And a life time ban from the Central Park Zoo

I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a beautiful girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a beautiful girlfriend with big tits.

He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out. The genie promises to grant him one wish. The man pulls a crumpled map from his pocket and shows it to the genie. He says, "Peace in the Middle East, that's my wish." The genie studies the map, but looks looks concerned. He hands the map back and says, "I'm sorry, sir. I come from the Middle East myself, and these conflicts have been raging since even before my time. Bringing peace to that region is beyond my powers. Do you have another wish?" The guy thinks and says, "Well, I've been married for forty years, and in my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "Let me see that map again."

American drone.

No text found

 Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. ​ They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. ​ "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." ​ "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. ​ Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. ​ About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. ​ He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?" ​ "Yes, I do." said Bob ​ "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" ​ "Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did." ​ "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" ​ Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?" ​ "She just died and left me everything." ​

It doesn't last long for fat people

Because then it would be a foot

I havent seen him since 2005

The doctor takes one look at him and says, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

Somewhere in the high c's.

You matter.

On Mars, Curiosity is driven by scientists.

No text found

I guess I'm a gluten for punishment

teleban

She replys: well yea, you told me to make sure it was fresh ground

his funfair is next monkey

So I offered to lend him a hand

Knock knock. Who’s there? Etch. Etch who? I'm sorry, did you sneeze? Bless you.

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her. "How much for a hand-job?" "$5,000" she replies. "$5,000?? You must be nuts, no way." "Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a restaurant. "You see this restaurant? I own this restaurant because men pay me $5,000 for hand jobs." He ponders for a moment. "Damn, they must be pretty good then. Alright." He brings her back to his hotel room. Gets the hand job, and as advertised; it is the best hand job he has ever had. After he finishes, he realizes how perfect she is and asks. "Okay, that was awesome. How much for a blow job?" "$15,000" she replies. "$15,000?!? You are out of your mind. No way!" He shouts "Come to the window." They walk to the window and she begins to point. "You see those three casinos? I own those casinos because men pay me $15,000 for blow jobs." "Fine, how can i say no?" Once again, it is the best blow job of his life. He is writhing in ecstasy after finishing, and practically in love with this woman. "Okay, I am gonna regret this. How much for the pussy?" "Come to the window." He follows her to the window, ready for anything. "Do you see all of Las Vegas?" She asks. "No way! You own all of Las Vegas?!" He exclaims, astounded. "No.." she looks down. " But I would if I had a pussy…"

Water.

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Me: Leave that to me later at dinner Her dad: coughs I need water Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water!