i like a challenge
Sorry next generation, previous generation told current generation it was okay..
https://ift.tt/31VbTvZ
I had a medical condition when I was a child, I had to eat soil 3 times a day or I would die.
Really, I was quite lucky my older brother told me about it.
I’ll never let my children watch the orchestra
There’s way too much sax and violins
Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says…
"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' … and she's always sound asleep."
How do you know if a sniper likes you?
He misses you
Apparently, I’m in the secret service.
Been so many years and nobody told me.
What kind of Dr is Dr. Pepper?
A Fizzician.
Since it’s Fathers Day, my wife asked if I could tell dad jokes all day tomorrow.
I told her I don’t know anyone named Morrow.
I went to this party dressed as a corpse with my wife. It was a terrible party.
"Jesus," said my wife. "Look alive, will you!"
A man walks into a pet store to buy 12 bees
After he just bought 12 bees, the pet owner gave him 13 bees. The man asked the pet owner why he was given an extra bee. The pet owner answered,”The last one’s a free bee.”
When is a dad joke mature?
When it's full groan.
Dear posters of r/Jokes, could you try to be a bit more original?
My friends are really tired of hearing the same jokes over and over again.
My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently
They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters! For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
A blind girl once told me I was hung like a horse
but she was just pulling my leg.
It’s okay if your phone autocorrects “fuck” to “duck.”
You're still using fowl language.
Don’t be worried about your smart phone or laptop spying on you.
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt from you for years.
It’s hard to believe March 12th is already National Pancake Day!
It really crêped up on us this year didn't it!
It takes balls to be a semen donor
No text found
A sheep, drum and a snake fell down a cliff
Bah-dum tssssssss
What do we want?
Hearing aids! When do we want them! Hearing aids!
My Reddit account has been hacked. If anyone gets a message from me about meat
Just ignore it, it’s spam.
Where does a fish keep his money?
In the riverbank
A DEA agent stopped at our farm yesterday.
“We are going to need to search your land for illegally grown drugs.” I said, “that’s fine, but don’t go into that field over there. You won’t like it.” Agitated by this, the officer explodes saying, “do you see this god damn badge son?! This badge means I can go where I please, when I please, how I please! You have no authority when it comes to telling me where the fuck I can go! Have I made myself clear, boy?!” I politely nodded and went back about my business. A short time after, I heard a scream, looked up to see the DEA agent being chased by my big old mean bull. Every step, gaining, closing the gap between himself and the agent. It seemed as tho he would surely get gored before returning to safety. The officer was clearly terrified. I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and screamed at the top of my lungs…. “YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR FUCKIN BADGE!!”
I was watching porn with my girlfriend and she complained, “This is so unrealistic.”
I said, “Just because you’re unwilling to try new things, doesn’t mean everyone’s that frigid.” “Not that,” she explained, “It’s just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny cocks.”
How fast was Thor’s hammer destroyed?
Hela Fast.
When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.
He was decomposing.
A snake walks into a bar..
And the bartender says "how the fuck did you do that"