i LiKe ThIs PoSt
There’s no way we can cross the Finnish line now.
I've been having a hard time recalling it sofa.
Bad reviews… only 1 star.
It's not hard
My wife flashed before my eyes.
A man that states the obvious
Only a fraction of people will get it
They’re hill areas
With a silent “cr”.
You boil the hell out of it.
I got arrested for a salt!
Their jobs are taxing.
He's feeling much better now
I'm going to call it IP in Pools
Because all the other vowels are in audible.
No offense, I just don't enjoy Nascar.
A pizza can feed a family of four.
They buzz them in.
To render the buildings
Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife’s sister says ” it sounds like an elephant in there”
I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.." My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.
I want to make sure they're still OK
It was a real pain in the ass finding it.
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne"
Because 6, 7 8…
I hope he likes them
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge." "I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."
The kids are taking it pretty hard.
The next floor, however, is a different story.
Please don't. She's out of town on business for the next week.
But my mother told me that it wasn’t polished enough
Then the opposite of “progress” is “Congress” (Dads can be woke too)
I replied, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.”
So if you’re a good driver watch out
Some call him "Boomer Aang"
Because she was stuffed.
Nobody else knew until they found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.
Blunt force trauma
Son: Dad which one of us do you love more? Father: My love for you is like communism. Daughter: So equally? Father: No, it collapsed 30 years ago.