I like to master Beethoven’s pieces
When does a bad joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent
Thats gonna be a no from me.
I dated a twin once…
I once dated a twin. My friend asked me how I told them apart. I said Stacy has a beauty mark on her right cheek. And Frank has a beard.
Cloud is a costly rental of someone else’s computer
I’m running for the United States- … you know, you know the thing!
Just don’t try to take any core samples
The pinna(cle) of success
Am I supposed to taste metal and blood?
This kid is going places
Bro just move
Kids and their WiFi.
Art imitating life.
“I’m a beast”
Life finds a way…
Is that how most Americans feel?
State of the subreddit and the Hackathon, and going forward
So, the first thing I’d like to clear up is that the final Hackathon stream will finally be taking place this week and judging will conclude approximately a week later. Then we’ll hand out the prizes, announce the winners and get this whole thing done with. Extremely sorry for the long wait, but scheduling differences have made it very difficult to get everything fully coordinated. We’ll be running the next one sometime next year (likely in the summer), along with some big plans, so stay tuned. twitch.tv/programmerhumorNow, as for the subreddit: despite our new Rule #0 and strike system (although it has still been extremely beneficial), we’ve still been receiving much too many low effort and barely programming related posts. This is partially an issue of enforcement, and partially due to the subjectivity of r0. To remedy this, we’ve come up with two possible changes:All posts must go through moderator approval before being allowed on the subreddit.We will hold “Memeless Mondays”, in which all analogy memes which use non-OC templates will not be allowed. So this is good, this is not.Please note that we are not implementing these changes yet. We’d like to see your take on them first – what could we improve? What could we clarify? Could they work at all? Why or why not? We don’t want this subreddit wiped clean of posts, which 24/7 memeless would do, but I feel as if holding an experiment like this would definitely be a good idea. Tell us what you think. We’ll also be bringing back our repost bot soon, which will definitely bring at least a small improvement to content quality.However, our zeroth change will require a very significant new load on moderators. After the Hackathon concludes, we’ll be opening up applications again for several new mods (preferably as many as possible in the east). If you’d like to make ProgrammerHumor about actual ProgrammerHumor again, then’s your chance, so keep an eye out.Thanks for reading this and especially thanks if you give any feedback – this would be a huge shift for the subreddit so it’s not going to be taken lightly.
what did I do wrong?
Have to make it relatable to the youth
To all the 3rd wheels
Thermo makes me sad
There was once, in a small town, a man named Don.
One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives. The left half, more prone to rational thought, spent most of its time in libraries, and got an accounting gig. The right half, more creative, picked up painting, and taught pottery at the local community college. On top of the spectacle of a man split in half, the townsfolk could not believe how rarely they saw both halves of Don at the same place. Indeed, nobody could think of even one occurrence of this happening. Now one day, half a man walks into a bar. The left half of Don, always punctual, walked into the local watering hole at precisely 8:00, and ordered a shot of whisky, which the bartender poured for him. At 8:01, the right half of Don wandered in, sat down, asked for a beer, and nodded to his other half, which nodded back. As the bartender poured him the beer, the left half of Don took his shot, left just enough to cover the bill, and left at precisely 8:02. The bartender was astounded– he was the first person to see the two halves interact since the accident. As it dawned on him how rare this was, the bartender exclaimed, a little louder than he wanted to, "Whole Don here for just one minute!" I will not apologize.
When women reach a certain age they start accumulating cats
This is known as many paws
Daddy, what is clickbait?
No text found
Marketing department of Sun
Where do pirates get their hooks?
The second hand store.
A guest calls the waiter and complains, “How come there are no chairs at our table?!”
The waiter shrugs, “I’m sorry but you only booked one table…”
Where’s the leak, m’am?
When two ginger people conceive a child…
the child could technically be considered ginger-bred.
Private healthcare ad [OC]
Show me the feet.
I began reading a horror novel in braille.
Something bad is about to happen; I can feel it.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Open the door and let that sink in.
Dystopian future is already here
Okay this one made me chuckle
Ummm… welcome to Australia?
Damn millennial snowflakes.
No Nut November was pretty tough
Now I can finally eat nuts again, thank God I had masturbation to keep my mind off of the sweet little bastards.
How do you cut an ocean in two?
with a sea-saw
A few weeks ago it was a “Democrat Hoax”
Windows 10 updates be like…
Microsoft: We’ve teamed up with vendors to make our security so good, that no one will ever be able to enter your system again.User: But, how do I get in?Microsoft: WE DON’T KNOW! THAT’S HOW GOOD IT IS!
My mother used to tell me this joke time and again when I was a child.
A mosquito got old enough to fly on his own, when he came back his mother was happily waiting for him. -"How was your first flight, my dear?" The mother asked. -"Amazing." He answered "Everyone thought I was doing great!" -"Oh yeah? What makes you think that?" -"Well, wherever I went people started clapping!"
Maybe a little exercise would suit them.
Found this in my class
Me: “75 Watts.. 60 Watts.. 100 Watts” Daughter: “what are you doing, dad??”
Me: "oh, just a bit of light reading"
As long as the stock market is fine….
I hate my wife
My friends caught me listening to an audiobook of the digits of pi…
and I never heard the end of it…
It happens way too much
A limbo champion walks into a bar
He gets disqualified
I’m not a one trick pony
I know multiple tricks, and I’m not a pony
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster
So we can think about a solution in silence.
Sun -i am also somebody’s bitch
Will glass coffins become popular?
Remains to be seen.
Oh, fuck off
We all have bills to pay
Researchers recreate what Mummy’s voice would sound like
mobile phone bad
My wife forgot the code to her luggage, but I managed to figure it out.
You can say…. I solved the case.
My wife: I’m leaving you because of your obsession with Star Wars
Me: May divorce be with you
I logged into Facebook the other day and got a message saying “We value your privacy.”
Well I know that. How else could you sell it?
Some men just want to watch the world burn.
My math teacher called me average…
That’s a fact
Her: I’m pregnant.
Me: Are you kidding?? Her: Technically, Yes.
Junior vs Senior
My father sent me this and I dont even know what to say
Man says to his boss, “Can we talk? I have a problem.”
Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!" Man: "Ok, I have a serious drinking opportunity."