I like you… Waitaminute Nick!
Which is also known as avocado’s number
She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again
Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
Little did he know toucan play at that game
The current version has a nasty virus
No, I said you can have a stroke at any time.
Fair enough it was her sister's but still…
A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty bucks," she says. He's never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them… it's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer. "I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know." "Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face."
Because if they didn't, the state's population would die out pretty quickly.
… until you get it.
A man who runs behind gets exhausted.
Only the Sith deal in Absolut.
It was an ether/oar situation.
because one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
It’s nice to have a bit of company…
Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.
even the cake was in tiers.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist." "Dad," I said, "I have condoms." And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
One turns to the other and says “you take all those cows over there and round them up into one big group” The other says “what?” The first cowboy says “you herd”
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
That's where I draw the line.
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some 75 years now." One friend further asked, ‘But your wife is also slim and energetic?’ Grandpa said, ‘that is another secret, my wife use to follow me behind checking whether I go for 5 kms or sit in a park!!!
Honestly, I should’ve seen the signs.
They're too possessive.
I stop at nothing to avoid them!
mathematics puns make me feel number.
TIL: A recent study found that the newest strain of head lice is resistant to conventional treatment.
That left scientists scratching their heads.
I didn’t know she even sold flowers!
Me: Of course I know him. He's me.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Now I know why people call you handsome