i LoVe CoLoRiNg BoOkS
A Japanese tourist went into an American bank to exchange some Yen for Dollars..
He handed the teller 10,000 Yen and the teller returned him $90. Confused, the Japanese man said "last month I exchanged 10,000 yen and received $100. Why today only $90?" The teller replied "Fluctuations" "Oh yeah? Fluck you Yankees too!" retorted the Japanese man
If you touch an electric fence on purpose…
…does it still count as a shock?
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.” “Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife. “Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?” “Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
How do you cut an ocean in two?
with a sea-saw
My wife just tripped and fell while carrying a bunch of clothes she just ironed.
I watched it all unfold.
Why is the goalkeeper richer than all the other players
He’s good at saving
Relationships are a lot like algebra….
You look at your X and wonder Y.
What is the difference between soon-to-be parents that want a girl and liquid that’s been used to clean plates?
One's dishwater… The other's wish daughter
Many people say that a pirate’s favourite letter is R but…
It’s actually the P. If you take it away he becomes irate.
So I can legit ride a unicycle. My mom told me it was a waste of time and would never get me anywhere in life….
I said “no mom! Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way!”
I recently walked down a street with the houses were numbered 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, 1mb etc
That was a trip down memory lane
I was being shown around a house. “What are the dimensions of this room?” I asked the guy.
He said, "Height, width, and length."
A man’s wife accuses him of “testiculating”
"What the hell is testiculating?" the man asks. Looking both irritated and impatient, his wife responds, "It's when a man is talking bollocks!" The man considers this for a moment. "Tell me something," he finally says. "Are you on your period?" "Yes," his wife answers. "Why?" The man nods. "I thought so. You're ovaryacting."
I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.
Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you.
I have contacts.
How do you make pirate furious?
Remove the p
I taught a wolf how to meditate
Now he’s Aware Wolf!
Did you know I like dad jokes about eyes?
The cornea the better
What do you call a cheap circumcision
A rip off
Do you want to know why the republicans won’t impeach Trump?
Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.
My wife told me nothing rhymes with orange
I told her “no it doesn’t”
I’m telling dad jokes…..
Sometimes he even laughs!
What’s the difference between the 1920s and 2020s?
Depression happens at the start of the decade now.
![Funnyandsad [oc]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/7uz6q1ylknq41-400x655.jpg)
I quit my job as a postman the first day right after they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
Pope Francis likes to don a fake mustache and walk around the Vatican, praying for the poor.
It's a blessing in disguise.
Reddit is like anal sex
You dont know how it works for the first time, It can be painful and time consuming, But if done correctly you start enjoying it later. AND ITS NOT FOR EVERYONE.
How many battered wives does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just keep putting the broken one back in because it promised things would be different this time.
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, “Take Your Kid to Work Day.” As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her…
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
Got my first date of 2020 already lined up
I mean, its a court date but its still a date and I am getting dressed up
Make sure you raise your left leg at midnight tonight guys.
Let’s start the new year off on the right foot.