I love my girlfriend Arial.
I'm quite font of her.
My IQ test result just came in and I’m really relieved…
Thank God it came back negative…
A tattoo parlour in my neighborhood is offering a free tattoo to anyone who would flash their boobs.
It’s their Tit for Tat special.
If I had to rate our solar system,
I'd give it one star.
Geology rocks, but Geography is where it’s at.
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I don’t get all the excitement surrounding Nintendo’s new product announcement…
My house is full of light switches!
I saw a bird with a really big beak holding a chessboard
I said toucan play that game.
“This is your captain speaking”
"AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."
I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open
She said "it's my husband!. Quick, try the backdoor!" Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day.
How much do dumplings weigh?
Wonton
Two police officers slammed their fists on my door.
"We've come to inspect your house for drugs!" they shouted. I said, "Fuck off. Get your own."
Never start a pillow fight with Death…
…unless you're sure you can handle the Reaper cushions.
What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?
Fat. You get fat. What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?
I love to tell dad jokes
Sometimes he even laughs
Post Malone has canceled his tour.
Does this now make him Postpone Malone?
What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?
I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don’t know either.
A nun is having a bath when she hears a knock of the door….
She says "who is it?" "It's the blind man" comes the response. Ok, thinks the nun. "Come in then". In walks the man; "nice tits, now where do you want this blind?"
![[cries in queries]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/p6qlmedhyiw31.png)
I have a pen that can write underwater.
It can write other words too.
My wife asked me if I’ve ever peed in the shower.
Me: Yes, twice, accidentally. Wife: How do you accidentally pee in the shower? Me: Well, sometimes I pee while I’m pooping.
My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.
I have some breaking news for her.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Congratulations USA
Zero school shootings so far this year.
Can a Ninja throw Stars?
Shur-he-kan
How are Romeo and Juliet like the current pandemic?
One's a Corona Virus the other is a Verona Crisis.
Why can’t you hear Pterodactyls go to the bathroom?
Because their P is silent
I heard a dwarf got pickpocketed. I was shocked and appalled.
How could anyone stoop so low.
I was asked if I would accept $100,000 if it meant that the person I hated the most got $200,000.
I said "Sure. Why wouldn't I want $300,000?"
I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything
Without women sex would be
a pain in the ass
Today I took all my daughter’s dolls and lined them up by the window facing our grill
I was just preparing a Barbie Queue
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad
What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?
Rick O'Shea
