I made a pencil with two erasers.
To be honest, it was pointless.
In my dad•a•base
If you put your ear to it, you can smell the sea.
Sadly, no one approved of their relationship. In the old days no one like mixed race marriages.
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
Her mom is Korean and her dad is Korean and her legs got ripped off in a car accident.
I wanted to make a joke out of it, but I think it would be very tasteless.
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”
"Of course child. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you," she replied. When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" Father replied, "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next please!"
Cause you’re fucking loud and annoying.
now that's a site for sore eyes
… a wrecked angle.
I don't know if it was because she was still wearingthem or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.
To see the battle.
Cop: "But you are the lawyer…" Lawyer: "Exactly, So where's my present?"
So when they dock they can Scandinavian
…It seemed to be a booby trap.
They just don't work
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said "It didn't work out." She told me to be more specific so I said "I just told you, she didn't exercise."
used his stimulus check to buy baby chickens. He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.
At the Pearly Gates they're greeted by Saint Peter Saint Peter: I will let you into heaven if you can show me a spirit of Christmas The first man pulls out a leaf from his pocket and says "this represents the Christmas tree" He is allowed into heaven The second man pulls out his keys "these represent bells" He is allowed into heaven The third man pulls out a pair of women's underwear Saint Peter: good lord what do those represent?! The third man says "oh well these, these are Carols"
Start 2020 off on the right foot.
That's when I knew it was time for the talk. 'Son', I said. 'Those are tortoises'.
The doctor described his condition as stable!
On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day, but on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
My doctor said it's my grains…