I made sure to hide the upvote and downvote buttons for you
No text found
… a wrecked angle.
The come with a Elon Musk.
My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with wearing different clothes every half an hour…
I said, “Wait, I can change!”
They checked our ratings. One star.
She looked up and quietly replied, “they’re right behind you.”
They understand the gravity of the situation.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. “You rotten bastard," says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!”
A teacher, a lawyer, and a priest were sitting together on an airplane. The pilot comes over the PA and says “I’m sorry folks, but we’ve just lost both engines. We’re going to crash and die.” The teacher exclaims “Oh my God, the poor children!” The lawyer replies “Fuck the children!” The priest asks “Do we have time?”
He heard that a company is running a special weight-loss program. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session. He is taken to a basketball court. Standing in the middle of the court is a naked woman with a sign around her neck. "If you catch me, you can fuck me in the ass." The fat guy starts to chase the woman around the court. Unfortunately for him, the woman is too athletic and he cannot catch up to her. After an exhausting hour, he finally gives up. He heads home and discovers that he has lost 5 pounds. The next day, the fat guy decides to try again. This time, instead of one woman in the basketball court, it is 2 naked women. They both have to same sign around their necks. "if you catch us, you can fuck us in the ass." The fat guy again chases them around for 1 hour without success. At least he has lost another 5 pounds of weight. Seeing how effective the sessions are, the fat guy decides to book a premium session. The next day, he is taken to the basketball court again. This time, there are no women. Instead, there are 10 naked men with signs around their necks. "If we catch you, we get to fuck you in the ass."
I don’t get why people think pee is stored in the balls. It is a fact that pee is stored in the BLADDER.
There is a vas deferens between the two.
Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way. Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does. Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth. Genie: You son of a…
I thought to myself: "Well… This changes everything"
The sentence "Use Chemicals to remove the Polish" could mean either a botched Manicure or Hitler's return
No text found
Because in charge of the schedule Yoda was.
Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
When it becomes apparent.
It was the end of my Korea
When I called from my buddies phone she answered “hey love”. She already knew it was me.
I hope you're happy now.
It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.