I made this fake boomer comic to mock people/boomers looking down on digital art
When I was in college, I used to live on a houseboat and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
I’m looking to sell my DeLorean. Good shape, low mileage…
Only driven from time to time.
I was appalled when the waiter told me it’s ‘nacho cheese’
I said i paid for it, it IS my cheese.
If I had a Nickle For every Time I was Clueless, I’d be Like
How the f*** did I get all these nickles?
Starting your own garden is easy, but picking all of the vegetables?
That's the harvest part.
Someone told me my clothes were gay
I said "I know. They came out of the closet this morning."
A Chinese man enters a Jew’s lingerie store…
-I want 20 black bras size 85 D. The Jew: -Of course, but black is rare color, so their price is 15$ for each one. -It does not matter, said the Chinese, -I'll pay. He took the purchase and left. After a week the Chinese returns again. -I want 30 black bras size 85 D. -Yes, of course, said the Jew, -but it's so hard to get them, so now their price jumped to $25 for each one. -It does not matter, I'll pay. said the Chinese, paying for the purchase. A week later, he comes again to the Store Jew. -I want 100 black bras size 85 D! -Yes, but their price has jumped a lot, the Jew said, -it is extremely difficult to deliver them; Now they are 55$ for each one, -It does not matter, I'll pay, replied the Chinese. As the jew packed the order, angry with curiosity, he asked: -Excuse me, but can you tell me what do you do with so many bras? -I cut them in the middle and sell as Jewish caps for 200$.
I left $100 in my suit jacket at the dry cleaners.
Unfortunately when I went to get it back, they were shut down for money laundering.
Today a woman said she recognized me from her vegetarian club..
..but I'm sure I've never met herbivore.
I’m a time traveler, just arrived from 1990
It took me thirty years to get here.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner
It was just collecting dust
Did anyone else’s parents teach them to swim by throwing them in the lake? I think the swimming was the easy part.
Getting out of that burlap sack was tricky, though.
Are your kids twins?
A very loud, unattractive, mean, nasty woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?" The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?" "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter, "I just couldn't believe someone would fuck you twice …"
Wanna hear the 3 main types of people?
The ones that can count 2. The ones that can’t count
Dad joke
Wife: I'm pregnant. Dad: Hi pregnant, I'm dad. Wife: No you're not.
George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump have died and face God…
God asks Bush, "What do you believe in?" Bush: "I believe in free trade, a strong America, the nation." God is impressed: "Come to my right." God turns to Obama: "What do you believe in?" Obama: "I believe in democracy, in helping the poor, in world peace." God is very impressed and says, "Sit down to my left." Then he asks Trump, "What do you think?" Trump: "I think you're sitting in my chair."
Three friends bragged about who has more sex….
Friend A said "You all have nothing on me. I go to the bar and bring home a woman every night. Not only that but I drive a corvette into work everyday and have a 8 inch penis. I have slept with more than 1,000 women" Friend B said "Oh yeah? Well I'm the top gynecologist doctor at the most highly rated hospitals in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I'm at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis. I have slept with well over 5,000 women." Friend C said, "I have you all beat. I fucked over all the Redditors who were expecting a punchline to this joke."
A woman goes to the doctor’s to have a strange mark on her tummy looked at. The doctor said, “Do you by any chance have a boyfriend who attends Wisconsin University?”
Confused, the girl asks, "Why do ask?" The doc chuckles, "I'm not just a doctor, I'm also an amateur detective. It looks like your lover likes to wear a sweater with the initial letter of their university emblazoned on the front. It's mildly abrasive quality has been rubbing on your skin." "Not bad doc!" she says. "Not bad at all!" "Well…" says the doctor. "Am I right, then? Do you have a boyfriend from Wisconsin?" She smiles and explains, "Nope, but I've got a girlfriend from Michigan!"
“Mom, I’m dating a man.”
"Whom, sweetheart?" "Mike the mailman." "Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!" "But mom, age is just a number." "Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
Why doesn’t Karl Marx like Earl Grey?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Every time my doorbell rings, my dog runs to the corner…
He's a Boxer…
Why do dice prefer to be in groups of two?
Because then it's a pair-a-dice
I am scared of E minor.
It gives me the E B G Bs
Did you know that there’s actually no official training for garbage men?
They just pick it up as they go along.