I met a Jewish girl and she wanted my number
I simply told her we use names here
I accidentally joined a pro-secession organization. When I tried to leave, I was elected as their chairman. EDIT: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
They come in hot and wet and leave with THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH
I told her yousoearly
Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
Spynosawus. … I'll just see myself out
They were real people… I just imagined they were my friends.
They'd crack each other up
That shit was nuts!
Just heard the best Dad joke in real time at the Jiffy Lube and I bet this guy has been waiting his whole life for this moment. Clerk: "Sir, are you here for an oil change?" Guy (probably in his 70s): "No, but the car is." Clerk: (puts head on desk and starts laughing)
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
To beat the crowd.
Then I realized battery not included
So I got her some diet pills.
He said to his wife, "It is going to rain, my love." His wife asked how he knew this. He responded with: "Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
NASA: I’m coming over.
Fuck me I'm easily lead
Because Recycling old shit is what Redditors do best . P.S.A – Do recycle ♻
I immediately took away his bike
I said no but I do I a pretty good bohemian rhapsody.
But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
The p is silent.
Yoda:”Off course, we are.”
…are debating philosophy. The question arises over the course of their debates: what separates man from the animals? "Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the heights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts." "I disagree," announces the Italian. "It is our food. The creatures of the wild eat, but they do not cook. Humans on the other hand, create amazing dishes and new combination that make eating a most enjoyable experience." "I say it's art," decides the Frenchman. "No other being can create art. From our earliest days we have painted, and now we sculpt, write and compose as well. The wild animals cannot ever know what it is like to cry over a beautiful piece of art." All three now look towards the Englishman, expecting his answer. He takes a long sip of tea before answering, "The Channel".
Quick answers please.