I once saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.
He’s a small medium at large
From a cow with short legs.
If you can guess the number inside this post, I’ll give you $1,000,000! (hint: it’s between 3 and 5)
4.29784569834593847593845938745 Awww… so close!
Three ducks walk into a bar. Bar man asks the first duck: “What’s your name, and how was your day?” The duck replies: “It’s Huey and it’s been great, I’ve been in and out of puddles all day. Give me a beer, please”. The bar man asks the second duck the same, “It’s Dewey, and I’ve also been in and out of puddles all day. Give me a beer, please”. Finally he turns to the third duck: “so you must be Louie?” “No” she replies, “I'm Puddles. And don’t ask. Just give me a whiskey, neat.”
"385, my liege." "Okay, round them up." "400, my liege."
I'm currently working knights.
The hamster does not want to miss the party and asks the rabbit: "Hey, rabbit, can´t you smuggle me in behind your big ears to the lion's party?" The rabbit´answers, "Nope, I'm not tired of life, if the lion noticed that, it would be my end." The hamster then asks the fox: "Listen, fox, can´t you smuggle me in your bushy tail to the lion's party?" The Fox: "Are you crazy, if the lion gets it right, then i´ll be dead." Finally, the hamster asks the bear and he says, "No problem, I can smuggle you in my breast pocket." When the bear visits the party in the evening, the lion asks him: "I've heard that the hamster wants to be smuggled in to my party, you probably will not support him, will you?" The bear: "No, of course not!" The lion then says, "Then you certainly don´t mind emptying your breast pocket." The bear answers: "Sure, no problem, here's my purse, here's my bowl, here's my ID." Suddenly the bear hits the chest with full force. "And here's a picture of the hamster."
Because x was always 10.
You’ll never get out of it alive anyways.
But does anyone know where the Minneapolis?
It received two consecutive sentences.
Thanks daylight savings!
For Hispanic attacks.
I wish I could post it in another subreddit
I said, "That's my term, Eric."
Their number one answer was, “HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?!”
“My roof has disappeared”
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
And checks his clock. "1:30am, fuck. I need to go home now or my wife's going to ripp my balls off" – Thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor. "I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up" So he asks the barman for a coffe, he drinks it up and 30 minutes later he tries to stand up, but again, falling to the floor, this time, even harder. At this point he realizes he needs to get home no matter what, so he starts crawling towards his house. After 40 minutes he gets there, lays down next to his (asleep) wife and passes out. The next morning his wife wakes him up and starts shouting at him: -So… how was last night, huh? Was it fun drinking all day? The man is 100% sure his wife was asleep when he got home so he tries to play it cool: -Not really, just hanging with some coworkers… we didn't drink much… just a couple of beers. The woman starts nodding sarcastically and responds: -The bar owner called this morning, your wheelchair's there, you dumbfuck.
I can't see them anywhere.
That guy really put the douche in fiduciary responsibility.
Mom: Don't settle for this, you deserve better.. Me: But mom, I lov….. Mom: I was talking to her.
Sadly, we men will never know the joys of childbirth.
In Queso emergencies
Good players are hard to find.
Because 6, 7 8…
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore, she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout and she turned to him and said…
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out, 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye Mom!" The little old lady waved and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85." said the clerk. "How come so much! I only bought 5 items." The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your mother said you'd be paying for her things too."
It was hardcore
They call me Scarf Ace
Ensures that you end up in the cast…