I see your point
As I’m sure you’re all aware, the Notre Dame Cathedral is on fire.
They don't know who did it, but they have a hunch.
I threw an iPhone into a lake the other day
It's still syncing
So I entered my snail in to a race, but I took his shell off to make him faster.
It ended up making him sluggish.
Sign outside strip club shuttered due to COVID-19:
“Sorry, we’re clothed.”
I was staying at a hotel.
Some people took the stairs to their rooms, and some took the elevator. Right then I realized everyone was raised differently
Congratulations to everyone graduating. Sorry this is such a crappy time to be doing so!
https://ift.tt/3aWnEFZ
Bashing a witness at the impeachment hearing for wearing his military uniform?
https://ift.tt/2OFOglR
My girlfriend refused to have unprotected sex
I understand, she is deadly allergic to nuts.
“You’re addicted!”
"No, I'm not. And stop calling me Ted!"
Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?
Because they didn't want to elect ron
I’m allergic to death.
It causes me to start coffin.
![Trump as captain of the Titanic. [In his own words, with links]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/mz5jyqlij3r41-400x865.jpg)
I just finished a documentary on beavers
Best dam movie I've ever seen.
So sick of double standards these days.
When a dog licks his balls in public, nobody says anything. But when I do it, people yell "what are you doing to your dog, you sick fuck?"
FINALY, my clock-fetish sex tape arrived in the mail…
…it's about fucking time.
Because your side projects are just an excuse to make a new framework, right?
https://ift.tt/2Xz0fqE
Do you know how to spot clickbait?
Obviously not
I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.” After a twenty second pause, I asked, “You still there sweetheart?”
"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
As a dentist, I only get paid for each prosthetic implant I complete…
Nothing dentured, nothing gained!
If you commit 90 sins, you will get caught about half the time.
Because sin90 = cot45
In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Kermit The Frog and Henry The Eighth…
…have the same middle name
Why did the wine maker have a nervous breakdown?
He just couldn't bottle it up any longer.
I heard they came up with a millennial version of the Monopoly game.
They just walk around the board paying rent, never able to buy anything.
Told my PC gamer friend that I bought a home for my rodent.
He should see my new mouse pad.
A guy sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili.
The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl". He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself". He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".
Why do police get to protests early?
To beat the crowd.
I WRITE ALL MY PUNS IN CAPITALS
THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN OSLO!
A guy visits a carnival and amongst the merry-go-rounds, vendors and performers he spots a man with a tiny pony.
He walks up to the man and asks: "What's with the pony?" "For a dollar the pony can do pretty much any trick you ask of it" the man replies. "That's cool" the guy says and proceeds to take out his wallet, retrieve a dollar bill and puts it in the jar next to the pony. He extends his hand and says "Shake!" The pony promptly performs the trick. The man produces another dollar. "Play dead!" The pony collapses to the ground, then gets up after a little while. "How about a tougher one?" the man says and puts another dollar in the jar. "What's eleven minus five?" The pony stomps with a hoove six times. "This is incredible" he exclaims. The guy continues to add dollar after dollar to the jar while the pony performs every trick or task without a fault. After a while the guy runs out of single dollar bills and turns to the man and says: "Sir, that is one incredible animal you have there, is there anything it can't do?" "He can't sing" the man replies. The guy considers this for a bit. "Why can't he sing" the guy asks. The man looks him in the eye. "He's a little horse."
“Dad, is the Fibonacci sequence hard to understand?”
“Nope. It’s as easy as 1,1,2,3.”
A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a buddhist monk on the other side. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?”
The buddhist monk shouts back: “You are on the other side.”