I switched all the labels on my wife’s spices.
I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.
The pupils, they dilate.
Guess it was always my way or the huawei i'm so sorry, I tried
You can only ran, because it’s past tents
An American soldier, serving in World War II had just returned from several weeks of battle on the German front lines.
The soldier had been granted rest and relaxation and was on a train that was bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train in hopes of finding an empty seat. The only empty seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged English lady and was being used by her little dog. The weary soldier asked, "Please ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the solider and sniffed then said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see that my little pooch is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, looking if there were any other unoccupied seats to use, but after another trip down to the end of the train, he found himself facing the woman with the dog again. Again, the soldier asked, "Please lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted out loud, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also extremely arrogant!" The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog and tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The Woman, at a loss for words; shrieked, railed and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentlemen sitting across the aisle spoke up and said, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand, you drive your autos on the wrong side of the road and now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window!."
But I can see where you are coming from.
Because then they wouldn't be single.
Shortly after a British Airlines flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and
“OH MY GOD!” Silence followed….. complete silence… Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled “For the luvva Jaysus, you should see the back of mine!"
No they chlorofeel.
Love it. Then it will leave you after a while for someone else.
She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
She replied, "Aisle B, back!"
Personally, I prefer it without the period.
A bad marksman shoots, but can't hit. A constipated owl hoots, but can't shit.
As a muffler specialist, I replied, "I'm the one that's really exhausted."
A lip reader
Now it's aware wolf
All I keep getting are scientific articles.
He's known as "the Fender bender".
Now he's a branch manager.
It's too close to the gas chamber. Edit: Jesus Christ, look at that, I got silver! Not 30 pieces, but anyway.
Granted I would have preferred she didn't say it in a police lineup. But you have to take what you get.
Hey Between you and me… something smells!
The details are pretty sketchy and the reports are saying it ended in a draw
To beat the crowd.
Sometimes Mayo neighs.
But they were having trouble installing windows.