What's wobbly in the sky A jellycopter Not the best execution, but I'm happy he's joining the tradition of bad jokes
They never get them
"where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
A woman is walking down the street when she bumps into an old friend she hasn’t seen in a long time. They sit down on a bench and catch up on their lives.
Friend: So do you have any kids? Woman: Yes, I have 5 boys. Friend: Nice! What are their names? Woman: Steve. Friend: You mean… All of them are named Steve? Woman: Exactly, it's so much easier that way! It's hard enough to supervise 5 boys playing together, it's even worse if I have to call them one by one. All I have to do is shout "STEVE!!!" and they all turn around immediately! Friend: But what if you only want to talk to one of them at a time? How do you differentiate them? Woman: Oh, well in that case, I just call them by their last name…
Judge: "Repeat infractions?" Me: "Ok, 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!"
He ate it before it was cool. 🤦🏻♂️
He said to his wife, "It is going to rain, my love." His wife asked how he knew this. He responded with: "Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
I need an answer like RIGHT NOW!!!
But it’s harder to deter gents
Female, she doesn’t let you finish your sentence before suggesting something.
Me: "Please don't fart here." Dad: "Why?" Me: "Because they don't have Windows."
My wife’s favorite song is “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers and she reminds of this every single time it’s on the radio…
I reply, "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know…"
I don’t know and I don’t care.
that you misread the first line of this joke
I went to return it and they gave me another one free of charge.
….I was about to run straight home to tell the wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden in the first place.
Because they're really good at it.
They couldn’t find the Androids they were looking for.
Me: That's when I went to Yale. Interviewer: Thats pretty impressive. You're hired. Me: Thank you, I really need this Yob.
Edit: Holy shit this blew up
A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day.
“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?” “She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”