I think it’s wrong that only one company…
…makes the game Monopoly.
It’s now 12:15 and my arm is killing me.
Kid: Why are you doing that? Dad: So you won't get bored there
To be honest, it was pointless.
Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is
He didn't. He was never really on your side.
The more ohms you have, the greater the resistance.
Pa pa pa poke her face pa pa poke her face.
I found that 100% of people were upset when the tent collapsed.
It’s called Aye Caroomba.
Because the Chicken retired and moved to Connecticut.
If they’re pasta expiration date.
He told me, "Fine! Suit yourself!"
But I called her Bluff.
A peanut butter and Jellyfish sandwich.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Because they inquire.
It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around… and PLEASE don't try to shove it down my child's throat.
China just got it right off the bat
Cause then it would be a foot….
Which is the one about being in a closet?
There were two christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.
As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''. So John and Mike went to the Mosque ahead and were greeted by an Arab Muslim, who asked what their names were. John thought of a Muslim name and said, 'My name is Muhammad'. And Mike said 'My name is Mike'. The Arab man said 'Hello Mike.' And told these other men to take Mike and give him food and drink. Then he turned to John and said, 'Salaam Muhammad. Ramadan Mubarak!
A humble bee
(Edit: no, you won’t)
They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.
For God's sake.
She worked knights.
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread. Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.
She's googled my name a few times, I saw it through my telescope last night
In a Wacondo. My son and I just came up with that joke, driving past Disneyworld.
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
I am thankful every day that I live in Canada.
There was nothing left but de brie