I thought Edison only made light bulbs I don’t get it
He conditioned it
Magician: Looking at pear “You’re ugly!”
They shake! Bwahahahahaha
They're so picky!
Because they didn't want to elect ron
He said, "Grandson…How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I've only got my shelf to blame.
He taps on the window, and finds two kids inside: a girl knitting and a boy reading a book. After a second, the boy looks up. "Evening officer." "What are you kids doing?" the cop demands, "How old are you two?" "I'm reading," says the boy, "and I'm twenty." He points to the girl. "She's knitting, and she'll be eighteen in five minutes."
That shows how toxic the media is.
Because they shoot the ones who go to school.
“I’ve done it! I’ve accomplished whirled peas!”
No text found
I shouted back, “That’s a weird way to start a conversation!”
This has been my favourite joke for at least a couple years now. A man drives train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving, and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder. So, he's on death row and the executioner approaches him. "What would you like for your last meal?" "I would like a banana please." The executioner thinks it's weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits awhile, and gets strapped into the electric chair. When the flip the switch, nothing happens! In Bulgaria, an act of divine intervention means you get released. A few months go by, and the train driver has been working for a new company. Well, old habits die hard, and he falls asleep again, killing 2 people this time. The court has no patience for recklessness, so he ends up on death row again. After awhile, the same executioner from last time approaches him. "You again? Shit. What do you want this time?" "Two bananas please." The executioner shrugs and hands him two bananas. A bit weird, but whatever. There's no way he can cheat death twice! But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again. The train driver walks a second time. Some time passes, and the executioner is very busy. After another few months, the same dude shows up, apparently having run over 3 people with a train. Exacberated, the executioner approaches him for the third time. "Let me guess. Three bananas?" "Actually yes! How did you know?" "Top bad! This has gone on long enough. No more bananas! Today you fry." So, the train driver gets strapped into the chair with no last meal. But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again. "I dont get it," says the executioner. "I didnt let you eat any bananas!" "Its not the bananas. I'm a bad conductor."
"404" sounds pretty fucking high!
It was a little condescending
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It was the least I could do!
I recently discovered I can move my sister’s daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.
I think I have telekinieces.
You have a one-track mind.
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
Thailand.( Credit to my brothers who dosent use reddit).
But I never get a straight answer.
I said that makes two of us