I tried to catch some fog
…a man enters and asks them "Can you see me?" and they respond; "Yes." "Oui." "Sí." "Ja."
They are immediately disqualified.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
It was a hootin' nanny.
Solo that no one will hear me
I have an uncle, once removed.
7-up in cider
So I got one second hand and one first hand.
I sleep in the dark.
-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?
Then it hit me
I think it’s just all in her head (I can’t believe it took me this long to find this subreddit, I love it! BTW first attempt at a dad joke!)
That girl dressed up as my professor, she barely covered anything important.
Would his name be stoptimus Crime?
The element of surprise!
An absolute 10, but also imaginary.
My son asked me where pooh came from. I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation.
A little perplexed he stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and then asked, “and tigger?”
The cooks a-salted everything
The p is silent.
Me: Oh yeah, what was it on? Her: Paper. I was so proud.
they're always folding. I'll see myself out. lol
It’s all over town.
They tower under everyone else.
A reptile dysfunction!
I'm shitting bricks to be honest.
I refuse to associate with a Hulu-cost denier.
Says he has always been able to count on them.
I think my uncle takes playing monopoly far too seriously!!!
How do you ruin a joke?
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned and said: “And you will dialogue.”