I tried to flatulate while lying on my back but my balls got in the way
It was a scrotal eclipse of the fart
Because they go waaaaaay back.
To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
She said, "What movie would you like to see?" I said, “You pick." She said, “You pick." I said, “I don't care. You pick." She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets."
He got plastic surgery.
"What brings you here?" asked the host on my first day. I said, "My legs."
Me: raises hand Teacher: Very good. Any other examples?
So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she’s sangria then ever…
Client: "Why did you have sex with her?!" Employee: "She was just lying there naked! What else was I supposed to do?" Client: "The autopsy! The fucking autopsy!" Employee: "I don't tell you how to do your job; don't tell me how to do mine!" Client: "You're the worst veterinarian of all time!"
It’s quite bazaar
But I can see where you are coming from.
I never strike in the same place twice.
They kept me out of the loop.
Thankfully though, he was just in there fucking the wife and there was no expensive leak.
The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend
I’ll only be telling inside jokes.
They like to beat the crowd
it takes a lot to offend me
But “Shatner Panties” was not a good business.
He asked me to help him check his balance…. So I pushed the fucker over.