I used to be heavily addicted to soap…
Don’t worry, I’m clean now.
Is sphere itself
So I'm off to the paint store since everyone seems to get thinner here.
Blunt: Hey what the fuck man
Now he's in pane.
I said, "Do you come from a LAN down under?"
Actually, it's more of a wrap.
Cause then it would be a foot….
I mean, G’day is just gay with a d rammed into it.
But apparently, I was too young…
As we were driving along he told me: "I've been a cop for almost 20 years now. I can follow anyone, and I mean anyone for just 1 mile down the road and I can find something I can cite them for." I said prove it, so he started following the next guy he saw. After a mile he said "I can't believe it, he didn't do a single thing wrong. I'm going to pull him over and let him know." He pulls the guy over, goes up to him and says "Sir, I'm sorry I pulled you over. I just wanted to compliment you. I followed you for a while and not once did you speed, change lanes without signaling, or do anything else deserving of a citation. I rarely see this so I wanted to thank you for you safe driving." The guy looks up at him and replies: "Well, you've got to be careful when you're drunk."
“Dad, I heard that the only way you guys could communicate with each other when you were young was landlines and snail mail.”
Dad: No, you better get your fax straight.
I’m not buying it.
All of ‘em, I hope!
I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me. And I would like to thank my fingers because I can always count on them.
But the spoilers ruined it for me.
A guy who's too drunk to follow orders.
used his stimulus check to buy baby chickens. He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.
A civil engineer
I told him that I had Clausible deniability.
You're still using fowl language.
To cover its butt-quack.
A laughing stock!