I used to play the triangle in a reggae band…
But I quit as it was just one ting after another…
But math puns make me number.
I decided to give it a shot.
My neighbors said they’ll call the police if I don’t put it back…
Dad: Spell! Kid: Spell who? Dad: W… H… O…
Studies have proven that people who have more of them live longer.
I’ve been killing rich parents, throwing spiders at nerdy teens, dumping acid on kids, and calling disabled people mutants.
I haven’t created a superhero yet, but it better happen soon because I need to be stopped.
After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot ' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'. An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'.
It didn’t stop ringing
That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes
or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.
Mom: You sure about this? I think you deserve better. Me: But mom, I love her so much! Mom: I'm talking to her.
It was a race to the Finnish.
It was a waist of time.
I know because they told everyone within two minutes.
1. 2. 3.
She fits in your wife’s clothes
The thieves made off with two medium cokes, a large bag of popcorn and some M&M’s.
This week? Just about anything.
i'm already on stage 4
Something inside me says yes.
Put it on my bill!!
and then it hit me
But you can call me anytime
I avoid meet.
I have no words to describe how angry I am…
I got 48,500 matches.
Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bagels.
A partial artist!
So my wife just got her breast pump all set up. She's got the double suckers rolling, tits out, milk flowing like a minor tributary. And I ASK "ARE YOU PUMPED?!" fucking genius…. She stared silently for like 10 seconds. Then told me to post here.
I just gave my too weak notice!
Husband: to be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
Patient: Good news please. Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.