I vote Facebook is something we live without
I might go if I have nothing on.
You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift.
Now I just have beer.
They would call it crucifact.
It was just collecting dust anyway.
Since, she is a private tutor, of course.
He had different kinds of jokes for each maiden, as he knew they each had different types of humor. Margaret was first, and the knight stood before her and tried out a new knock knock joke. A boy watching nearby asked his mother, "why did he tell her a knock knock joke?" The mother replied, "well sweetie that's because her husband used to always tell them, so she appreciates them more." Next was Priscilla, and as the knight stood before her he tried out the joke the court jester told him. "Why did the knight use a court jester joke?" Asked the boy. "Well sweetie that's because Priscilla isnt very bright and she wouldnt understand most other jokes." Finally it was Dawn's turn. The knight began his joke but the mother quickly covered the boys ears. "Why did you do that?" Asked the boy. "Because you are too young for the humor the knight uses on her, and the knight is always darkest before Dawn."
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper
Hold on, it's 900. Edit: No, wait, it's 500.
The results were château-strophic.
Talk to your lock calmly because communication is key.
The dad said," They are made at a mint with a press". Then the child responded," That makes cents".
Because it was filled with Meatorites.
Grandma's taking it pretty hard.
He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand, and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced, and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go to the restroom. The ducks are left on the bar. The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" He says to the first duck. "Huey" replies the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender. Then he says to the second duck "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "my name is Puddles, and don't ask about my day."
It runs in your Jeans.
I can’t wait to see them all
Dress her up as a choir boy
One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"
Me: “Actually, we’d like him to keep his liver.”
"What?" she asked, confused. I said, "You asked me to describe myself in tree words."
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a Type-O"
He's known as "the Fender bender".
A student visits the principal's office. The principal asks: "What is your name, son?" The student replies: "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." Then the principal asks: "Oh, do you have a stutter?" Student answers: "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was an asshole."
I always end up throwing them away anyways.
Give a man a poisoned fish, and you’ll feed him for a lifetime!
Something bad is about to happen; I can feel it.
"I wonder how far I can kick this bucket?"
I said "whatever floats your boat mate" He said "No, thats buoyancy"
You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
You could say he was a bit cockeyed!
Boy, do I have some news for her.