I wanted to become a doctor…
But, I just didn't have the patients…
It’s soda pressing.
Keeps calling it a hippo potty myth
He was in an accident and lost a lot of blood but nobody knew his blood-type. I’ll never forget his inspirational last words, “Be positive”.
They've got plenty of wheelpower.
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?" Girl: "Because he touched my hand." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he touched my breast." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where." Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "But father he had AIDS!" Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
…there's never any money in there.
"Do you want some of my bacon?" "No thanks I'm Jewish" "Don't worry it's free"
They made a racist joke.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a Type-O"
No Questions asked
You'll have to Walkman.
It was harder to deter gents.
I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust and become their confidant, and when they least expect it…… BAMM!! !! !! … I'll fuck their boyfriends
She's not nosey, just terrible at parking!
Cop: “Sir, that’s not how a sobriety test works.”
They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.
None. It's a hardware problem.
Because all the Cheetahs are too easy to spot, and there are others who will end up Lion to you.
Every couple -my 8yr old daughters riddle
I can’t see an end, I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape – I don’t even have a home anymore…
Definitely time for a new keyboard.
I enjoy a little Lyme with my Corona
"How did you know it was dead?" his teacher asked "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move." the boy said. "You did what?!" the teacher shrieked. "You know," the boy explained, "I leaned over and went 'Psst!' in its ear and it didn't move!"
It came completely out of the purple…
It's white and settles on their land
No ones given me a straight answer.