I was accused of being a plagiarist.
Their words, not mine.
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. "Please sir," says the waiter, "what did you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise…" "Ah! So sorry everyone," says the waiter, "I brought you Peeking Duck."
Me: Of course I know him. He's me.
Which was owned by William Shakespeare Since he chewed it now I can't say if it is 2B or not 2B
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure. How much is that? Bartender: $3 Me: There you go. So, what's the wifi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.
Who's there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas! Knock knock. Who's there? Anna. Anna who? Anna happy new year! Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit 🙂
Then it would be a foot.
No text found
Ground beef What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef What do you call a cow that has been knighted? Sir Loin What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky What do you call a cow that dies in a helicopter crash? Kobe Beef
Its not a long poem but its very deep
The doctors described his condition as stable.
Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.
I’m not sure what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day
Only 25 looters per store please.
To help seniors get to the other side
She’s single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.
Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary when Sam says to Becky, “Becky, I was wondering if you’ve ever cheated on me?” Becky replies, “Oh, Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question…” “Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please…” “Well, all right, three times…” “Three, hmmm. When were they?” “Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start that business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, one day the bank manager himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked…” “Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So when was number two?” “Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you needed that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. Morris came all the way up here to do the surgery himself and then you were in good shape again…” “I can’t believe it, Becky, that you would do such a thing for me, to save my life… I couldn’t have a more wonderful wife… All right then, when was the third time?” “Well, Sam, remember a few years ago when you really wanted to be president of the fishing club and you were 97 votes short…”
It was: you have no more energy to live, you just need to fuel more yourself.
I'm a dais, I'm a DAIS! I'm a DAIS!
and name it ElonGates.
I literally had no idea where this was going but he goes really daddy a jelly-copter
They Kermit suicide.
She’s probably just pulling your leg.
Beer nuts are $1.98, deer nuts are under a buck.
60s kids: Grandma called. 70s kids: Gramps called. 80s kids: Granny called. 90s kids: Grandmother called. Kids now: Boomerang.
I said, "No, wait! I can change."
A bus full of children