I was at the museum and saw a painting of a bowl, with milk and some kind of food inside.
It was surreal.
Thteer it thtraight into an itheberg.
I dont know how someone could stoop so low.
Zero fucks were given.
Shit, I meant to post this somewhere else.
The doctor takes a quick look and responds:"It's okay, they're benign." Pirate:"Arrrrgh! Count again, I think there be ten!"
When they collided. The old guy says to the young guy. “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.” The young guy says, “That’s okay. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a bit anxious.” The old guy says, “Well maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, “She is 28 years-old, tall, with brown hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?” The old guy says, “Doesn't matter, let’s look for yours.”
Sherlock Holmes and John Watson go on a camping trip. In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes up John and says, "Watson, what do you see when you look up at the sky?" Watson looks up and says, "I see millions of stars." Sherlock says, "Well, what can you deduce from that?" After a moment's thought, Watson says, "Since there are so many stars,logically some of them must have planets orbiting them. And if some of those stars have planets, logically some must be able to support life. And if some could support life, logically some must. Therefore, I deduce that we are not alone in the universe. What do you think?" Sherlock says, "No, Watson, you idiot, it means somebody stole our tent."
They get baked.
you might be dyslexic
It runs in your Jeans.
I did that but now I don’t know what to do with the letters
No text found
Fine wine doesn’t try and escape from my cellar.
He's never going to finish his sentence.
They’re charging me with tacks evasion.
Probably because he was never around
That's where I draw the line.
My son's shitty drawing of a snake
why don't skeletons go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with haha
He went ice skating before it was cool.
The old one just wasn't cutting it anymore.
It was bread in captivity.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic women chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace." The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence." The fourth Catholic women sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle "Well…?" She replies, "My son is a charismatic, 6'2", hard-bodied male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "My God."
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
A grill runs out of gas