I was in a band during the 80s called The Prevention
We were better than The Cure.
My wife just gave me a restraining order..
Who knew there was an incorrect way to use a colander….
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance…
We’ll see about that…
A porn actor calls in sick
"I can't come today"
I was going to type down a cashier joke
But I didn’t think that would make any cents
Stephen King has a son named Joe.
I'm not joking, but he is.
A Priest and a Cowboy are walking in the desert
They come across a flock of geese so the cowboy pulls out his two guns and empties them in the direction of the geese. "Fuck, I missed!" "Do not use that word, child, for God will smythe thy" They walk on and come across yet another flock of geese. Same thing. "Fuck, I missed" "Do not use that word, child, for God will smythe thy" Same thing happens a third time. Suddenly the Heavens open up and a lightning bolt strikes the priest down. An omnipresent voice, trembling with conviction says: "Fuck, I missed"
If the Americans change from pounds to kilograms overnight,
there will be mass confusion.
I’m glad there are still some people that take cross browser compatibility seriously
https://ift.tt/2XmlYk4
What did the burglar say after detonating a bomb inside of Fort Knox?
Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold! Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold!
Time flies like an arrow,
and fruit flies like a banana.
What’s Yoda’s last name?
Layheehoo
OC boomer comics are now limited to Sundays. If it’s satire, it belongs on r/antiboomershumor
This decision was based on feedback from both users and moderators.If you have any feedback or comments on how the sub is doing, or how it’s being run, please comment below.phone bad
True house cleaners aren’t just born…
They're maid…
I lost my mood ring…
I'm not sure how I feel about that at the moment.
Is the Viagra I’ve been sold fake?
As it stands, no.
My wife has an odd way of starting conversations…
She always starts by saying, “Hey, are you even listening?”
Did you know that diarrhea is genetic?
It runs in your jeans
2 is a prime number against all odds.
No text found
Carrots may be good for your eyes…
But whiskey will double your vision.
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it
I don’t usually tell dad jokes
But when I do, he laughs
A guy goes up to a woman in a bar and says…
A guy goes up to a woman in a bar and says, “I’m gonna make your nipples hard.” She says, “Oh, yeah? My husband will kick your ass.” He says, “And then I’m gonna turn you upside-down, pour beer in your pussy, and then guzzle it all down.” She says, “That’s it, I’m gonna tell my husband, and he’s gonna kick your ass real good.” She walks to her husband and says, “A guy at the counter told me he was gonna make my nipples hard.” He gets really pissed off, and starts to walk towards the bar counter. She grabs him by the arm, and says, “He also said he was gonna turn me upside-down, pour beer into my pussy, and then guzzle it all down.” Her husband turns around and sits down at his chair. She yells, “Aren't you gonna do anything?” He says, “I ain’t fucking with anybody who can drink that much beer.”
Our solar system sucks.
1 star.
What’s a Javelina’s favorite body of water?
The Bay of Pigs.
Never Trust Someone With Graph Paper…
They're always plotting something.
So I walked into he doctor’s office
He said : “Pick a star sign any star sign.” I said : “Capricorn” And he said : “Nah you got cancer”
What’s a group of chubby newborns called?
Heavy infantry
I met a guy who was convinced that there were no words in the English language with more syllables than vowels….
I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refused to accept criticism…
The young assistant got fired from the butchers shop, I asked why…..
The butcher replied “I caught him with his dick in the bacon slicer!” “Oh!” I replied, “what did you do with the bacon slicer?” “I fired her as well!” said the Butcher.
Why do dice prefer to be in groups of two?
Because then it's a pair-a-dice