I was interviewing for a job and they asked if I would be alright with travelling –
I said – "Definitely not – I play basketball by the rules"
Gimli laughs and walks under it
The other 2/11 are quite good though!
And stayed there my entire childhood
They don’t fuck around.
French guy, showing off his yacht collection: This is Un. Here is Deux, Trois, Quatre and, finally, Six.
Her: Where is the 5th? French guy: Cinq.
Now I want to break three.
…but backwards, it’s even more stupid…
I know that we all have different views and argue a lot on reddit, but here’s something we have in common.
People who are reading this are on the same page.
Honestly, I should’ve seen the signs.
They have a lot of mixed reactions.
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…
It’s currently half empty…
That was a trip down memory lane
…a man enters and asks them "Can you see me?" and they respond; "Yes." "Oui." "Sí." "Ja."
Times new ramen!
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!
Because one egg is un oeuf.
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
batman: check the battery robin: whats a tery?
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
I asked him: "I bet i could guess your favourite holiday" He Replied: "Have to love Easter, baby."
FOUR, GOD OF NUMBERS!
She replies, "if you incest".
Her: So, you like it? Me: I just told you it was average.
When it’s full groan.
I said "Sure. Why wouldn't I want $300,000?"
After rubbing on it, a genie pops out! The genie says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day." The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up. The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up. The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The genie asks the janitor how he was so clever. The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
They said, "Thanks." "Don't mention it," I answered.