I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”
She smiled and answered, “I do.”
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
A joke my friend told me when we were in Grade 5.
100 of the ugliest people on a bus, they crash and are all sent to heaven. The angel there felt very sorry for all of them and decides to send them back all with one wish each. The first victim steps up. “I wish to be the most beautiful person in the world.” And with a wave of the angels hand they became absolutely beautiful. They get sent back and the second person goes up. “I want to be the most beautiful person in the world!” The angel stops, “The previous person said that, so I’ll make you the second beautifulest then.” With a wave of their hand the victim transformed and was sent down. It was at this time the person at the back started laughing to themselves. They were asked what he was laughing about but he kept it to himself. And so the line shrunk. “I want to be the 21st beautifulest person in the world.” The guy at the end was laughing loudly now. “I want to be the 51st beautifulest person in the world.” He started rolling on the floor as he laughed. “I want to be the 75th beautifulest person in the world.” The guy at the end was loudly gasping for air as he laughed harder and harder. “I want to be the 99th beautifulest person in the world.” Finally, as the last man wipes tears from his eyes struggling to breath, he walks up to the Angel who was very curious. “Why were you laughing all this time sir?” “I wish they were all ugly again.”
What’s the difference between politics and anatomy?
In anatomy, the asshole is at the bottom.
If a person overdoeses on Viagra
Do they die hard?
Two deers walk out of a gay bar
One turns to the other and says “Man, I can’t believe I blew thirty bucks in there”.
The only thing I have planned for today is to get my new glasses
Then I’ll see what happens
They say don’t go grocery shopping while you’re hungry.
But it’s been a week and I just keep getting hungrier.
Which one is tougher intellectual demandwise, Physics or Medicine ?
Medicine is well respected among general public. Physics is also regarded highly by many people.But i want to know, among both these subjects/discipines , which is tougher from the point of view of intellectual demand/ intelligence required to study ?
A limbo champion walks into a bar.
They are immediately disqualified.
Two Dragons walk into a bar
Dragon 1: It's hot in here Dragon 2: Shut your mouth
My friend says to me “What rhymes with banana?”
And I told him "No it doesn't"
If I dont perfect human cloning..
I won't be able to live with myself.
I keep seeing the quote on women’s tinder profiles, “If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote.”
Jokes on them, I've been turning women off for years without a remote.
Never date a tennis player
Love means nothing to them
Wanna know my favorite leg day exercise?
Skipping.
I really hope mailmen don’t start getting the Coronavirus
They’re really good carriers
I had to get a loan to pay for an Exorcism
They said if i didn't pay it back on time i'd be repossessed
What did helium say to the balloon?
Lighten up
![Funnyandsad [oc]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/7uz6q1ylknq41-400x655.jpg)
A carrot and his wife are walking home from a party late at night and he gets hit by a car.
Mrs. Carrot takes him to the ER and after a day of surgery, the doctor steps out and says, "Mrs. Carrot, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, we saved your husband. The bad news is, he's going to be a vegetable the rest of his life."
Someone once told me I had a nice-ass shirt.
I told them that they can just call it pants.
What’s the difference between communism and a pencil?
The pencil works on things other than paper.
I was embarrassed when my wife found out that I was playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
A lawyer is arrested by the cops
He says: "I refuse to say anything without a lawyer present." Cop: "You are a lawyer." Lawyer: "Exactly, so where is my present?"
The urge to sing ‘the lion sleeps tonight’
Is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
They say criminals always return to the scene of the crime.
No wonder there are so many Australians in the UK.
Dwayne Johnson locked eyes with Medusa
nothing happened
How did the gingerbread man wind up with one leg?
He lost the other in Nom.
I once wanted to do biochem research… Turns out I didn’t pass the vibe check.
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