I went to the doctor…
I went to see the doctor the other day. Turns out my new doctor is a drop dead gorgeous brunette.
I was embarrassed but she said “don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out.”
I said “my wife thinks my dick tastes funny.”
iPhone 12 Commercial Parody – 48 CAMERAS!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-1h1wU-ODM&ab_channel=DanielJacobsFilms
When you’re in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil…
Then you’ll get a, “Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis!"
Racist jokes are like Mexicans
They're always crossing the line.
A Beer Goes Into a Bar and Orders a Drink.
The bartender brings the drink and the beer starts whining. "My life is terrible, Nobody likes me, The world sucks." The bartender replies "it's all in your head."
A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.
His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennssine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures. The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station The other is a busty crustacean
Two lesbians go on a date, who pays for it?
The guys that think they're on a double date
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan
Given the Cheeto Bandito’s track record with dictators, this should be a no brainer
https://ift.tt/2Xcz6dp
What’s the best way to calm down a knife-wielding girlfriend?
Please answer quickly
I was feeling lonely so I bought some shares
It's nice to have some company
Why is “dark” spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can’t C in the dark
Where do you find a no-legged dog?
Right where you left him.
A bear walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender, "I'll have a………………beer." The bartender responds, "What's with the big pause?" The bear holds up his arms and says, "Always had 'em."
knock knock
who's there? The electrician to fix your doorbell
I’ve just discovered that I have a logic fetish.
I can't stop coming to conclusions.
I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I’m mature, I’m moral, I’m pure, I’m polite and I’m perfect! Then she added that I also…
…had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces…
What did Jesus say after he resurrected on the third day?
“You crossed the wrong guy” I think all the redditors will agree, with this joke, I nailed it Edit: I am a Christian myself and I dont mean to offend anyone, I just thought it was hilarious.
[On the highway] My wife: Hey, you missed a right!
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!
What do you have when you buy the wrong meat at the store.
Mistake. (My 7 yo daughter thought it up at the grocery today. Never been more proud.)
How did Billy feel after he dropped his toothpaste?
Crestfallen.
I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves
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People say the back of my head looks really nice
But I don't see it
