I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger
Then it hit me
"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic." "Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest "No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent." "That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven." "Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?" "Of course, my son." "Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
For instance, my name, address, and telephone number!
I apologize to everyone in the sub about my earlier post. I was trying to make a funny joke, but I spelled the title wrong and couldn't go back. After that, everything spiraled out of control. I thought about deleting it and pretending it never happened, even denying it's very existence, but after a moment of reflection I realized: There's no use lying over spelled milk.
You should of seen the look on her face as i drove pasta
Really hope that it isn’t Christopher Robin my house
Nothing. It is on the house.
After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot ' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'. An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'.
My 7/yo sister said this at the dinner table while me and my dad were talking: What did one paper say to the other?
Nothing. Paper doesn't talk. That's how I want you to be. Like paper.
It was the least I could have done for him.
Then it dawns on me
“The Doctor will see you now.”
I call it my jingle bell rock.
It was just collecting dust anyway.
Because he's a pain in the neck.
A man rushes home late from work, slams the door open and plops himself down on the sofa. He turns on the tv and looks at his wife “quick” he says “get me a beer and some food before it starts!”
The wife gets up slowly looking startled but slightly excited. She wanders into the kitchen and comes back quickly with a beer and some food for her husband. The man gulps down the beer and looks back to his wife “quick!” He says “get me another beer before it starts!” The man goes back to flicking channels and stuffing food in his mouth. The wife stands up, obviously angry at her husband. And turn the TV off. “Now you look here! You come home late, don’t even say hello, don’t explain why you were late either! I bet you were with that harlot from work again wasn’t you? You said it was over, how could you do this to me! I cook for you, clean for you, and all you do is treat me like a slave! My mother was right about you! I even…. The man lays back on the couch, his eyes glaze over and he zones out. “Damn” he mutters to himself, “it’s started”.
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
Because all of the fans left.
Exactly where you left it.
…and chimney installations are through the roof!
But it's the tallest buildings that have the most stories
A bad circumstance.
…I’d be like “why do I keep getting all these fucking nickels?”
When it's told by a Catholic Priest. Then it's a Father joke.
He was beside himself
A) No B) A little C) Señor
A good cop wears a goodge.
…because they've been breaking camels' backs for years.
Someone who gives a fuck
I guess we'll know when the time comes.