Idk if they even know the meme the poster emulates…
I’m an adult now, I can’t keep on calling it sleepy snoozies time.
When what I’m listening to is clearly in 4/4
You say Cheese!
… they're just so Boeing
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
Doctor: Let me tell you a story; a hunter carried his gun with him everywhere he went. One day, he mistakenly grabbed his umbrella and went out. A lion attacked him and hoping to scare it off he pointed the umbrella at it like a rifle and yelled "Bang" and the lion dropped dead. Man: That's impossible, someone else must have shot it. Doctor: I'm glad you understood the story.
I couldn’t decide what to get my buddy for Christmas, so I got him a prostitute with an accounting degree.
It's the thot that counts.
It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
I don't see the use of water with holes
As a kid, if I ever said the word “apparently”, he would interrupt to shout “A Son Riley!”
Student: I is the…. Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an 'I'. Always put 'am' after an 'I'. Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
(In honor of my cake day, the one that makes my kids groan the most) When I die, I want to go like my grandfather: in my sleep.
Not yelling and screaming like all the other people in the car he was driving at the time.
Because he kisses his mother with that mouth
Vladimir Putin is traveling abroad. He enters the customs line, approaches the agent and is asked: Agent: age? Putin: 66 Agent: occupation? Putin: not this time, just visiting.
Doctor: I'm a Dermatologist, not a veterinarian.
In a croc pot.
… it came completely out of the purple.
Dad: No I got shot in the leggy.
…is just the letter n doing a forward roll.
They said that if my tents get blown away, I won’t be covered.
Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife’s sister says ” it sounds like an elephant in there”
I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.." My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.
Loving the science memes, they keep me sane.
… if I could just get the right people to try it.
You can, but it has to be a cakewalk
He said, “You don’t seem to have much of a case.”
At first I thought she was kidding, but apparently she's sirius.
I told him that was a blanket statement.
The hills are alive with the sound of moo sick
I guess hezsjkfowgajqjhsjwkwlsvvcaxxacfasuoc
We named him Carson.
A robber enters a bank, he pulls out a gun, and he shouts: “Everyone on the ground. This is a robbery!”. Immediately, everyone in the bank drops down with their hands on their heads except for one man reading a newspaper.
The man lowers his newspaper and begins to stare at the robber with an amused look on his face. It makes the robber angry, so he walks towards the man, puts the gun to his face, and asks him: "what so funny, ha? You want to get shot?". The man's amused look turns into a smile as he answers the robber back: "You are joking right?". The robber, bursting with anger, places the gun one inch away from the man's face and says: "Say that again. I dare you". The man, who was previously completely relaxed, is now getting a bit worried. He lowers his newspaper further and says: "No, really. You are not serious, are you?". The robber sticks the gun into the man's forehead and threatens with a more serious tone: "One more word and I swear I am pulling the trigger". The man, no longer showing the slightest hint of amusement, says: "Look, there is a first time to everything, but this is unbelievable. Do you really have any idea of what you are doing?". "that is it!" the robber snaps. "I have a gun, you are unarmed, everybody else is scared to death, and there are zero guards in here! Don't you understand the situation? I completely got this under control!". At this point, the man puts down his newspaper with an honest, concerned look on his face. He looks the robber in the eye and says: "Dude, this is a blood bank".
Me: why Dad: so we can start the new year on the right foot! Me: why are you the way that you are