idk if this is here yet but
Why doesn't it only strike in France?
They get toad.
I don't know why
Breathe idiot, breathe!
Because they’re ice-o-lated.
The rotation of the earth
As I was eating it, I said to myself, "It tastes just like home."
Driving home after a hard day at work, a man gets pulled over by a cop. His patience is wearing thin.
"Tell me, officer: would it be a crime for me to insult you? Hypothetically speaking, of course – I think the police are wonderful – but in theory, could you arrest me if I said you were a cunt?" "Yes sir. That would count as disorderly conduct." "What about if I were just to think it?" "No sir. You can think whatever you like." "In that case, I think you're a cunt."
There's nothing cuter than a babies' coup.
Now every little ting is gonna be all right!
Wife: ok just throw them out [Later] Husband: helping the kids pack a suitcase look I'm as surprised as you are
“Son, I bet you can’t wait for me to die so you can piss on my grave!” The private emphatically replies, “No sir! Once I get out of the army I’m never gonna stand in line again. “
The first man says “I’ll have H2O please.” The bartender replies “Sure thing, and you?” The second man says “I’ll have H2O aswell please.” The bartender turns around and mutters to himself “Dammit, I’ll get him next time.”
Seriously! Who starts a conversation like that?
One of the bulls is large and has 100 cows to himself. The second bull is medium sized and has 70 cows. The third bull is small and has 30 cows. One day the farmer gets another bull. The large bull says, “I don’t care how big he is, he’s not getting a single one of my cows.” The medium bull says, “Same here, those are my cows.” The small bull agrees saying, “I’ll fight if I have to, but he’s not taking my cows.” The new bull is brought to the farm. The trailer is shaking, and the door bursts open. One of the farmhands is launched backwards, and massive bull comes out of the trailer. The large bull says, “Forget it, he can have my cows.” The medium bull, quivering by now, says, “No way can I stop him. I guess he can have my cows, too.” They look to the small bull to see him raring up for a fight. “What the hell are you doing?! You can’t hope to take him,” they scream to the small bull. The small bull calmly replies, “I’m trying to make sure he knows I’m not a cow.”
I made several discoveries
and then it hit me
He said “Oh, I was just checking my balance”
Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.
I don’t think I can ever repay you
I should be upset, but I’m delighted.
I woke up exhausted
The rest, as they say, is History.
The closer you get to the butt the more intense the flavor.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are football fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand? "Because I'm not a football fan, " she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well if you are not a football fan, what sport are you a fan of? "I am a basketball fan and proud of it, " Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a basketball fan? " "Because my mum is a basketball fan, and my dad is a basketball fan, so I'm a basketball fan too!" "Well, " said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a basketball fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then? Mary smiled, and said…………… "then I'd be a football fan."
Best dam movie I've ever seen.
A civil engineer
A father in law
Every time I hit a speed bump, I tell her it was a dog.
That's when I realized I drugged the wrong glass!
One’s an elephant.
They did unspeakable things to me.
Very strong, and given proper credit for their contributions in both the home and the workplace.
Then I said 'im definite
Good players are hard to find.