idk wut 2 put here
how it feels trying to learn a language
how it feels trying to learn a language
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. In other words…
…there is joint support for joint support for joint support…
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesnβt work properly
No forks were given
Justice is a dish best served cold
If it were served warm it would be JustWater
Why can you never trust trees?
Because they seem shady.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
As a doctor I never made a joke about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
The people in Dubai donβt like the Flintstones..
But the people in Abu Dhabi Doooo!
You got any corny jokes?
I'm all ears
If you boil your funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock
That's humerus.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the no bell prize.
The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank
I have no words to describe how angry I am
βWaitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?β
Waitress: [slaps me a good one across the face] …βThe men I please are none of your damn business!β
I’ve just discovered that I have a logic fetish.
I can't stop coming to conclusions.
I have a friend who really loves to count.
I wonder what heβs up to?
There was a kidnapping at my sons school
It's ok though, he woke up.
A ran into a girl at a vegan restaurant who said she knew me.
I never met herbivore.
My wife walked in on me masturbating to an optical illusion
I said "Honey, it's not what it looks like!"
I like to tell dad jokes
He always finds them funny
I tried to steal candy from a newborn baby, but he slapped my hand away.
Turns out he wasnβt born yesterday.
A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender: I'm sorry, we don't serve food here.
I once played poker with a deck of tarot cards.
I got a full house and 3 people died.
A Gentlemanly Bragging Contest
An Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman were discussing the wonderful screams that passion can evoke . . . The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop, for two minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special perfumed aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for three minutes." The Englishman said: "That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours." The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two full hours? Wow! That's phenomenal, what did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" The Englishman replied: "I wiped my hands on the curtains."
I hope she realises that ‘R’ is constant in the equation but not her boyfriend
https://ift.tt/2tQe5ZT
If I had a dime for every time I didn’t understand what’s going on, I’d be likeβ¦
"Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. NSFW
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, βWhat are you doing?β She answers, βIβm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid Β£400 for doing what I do for you for free.β Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where heβs going,he replies, βIβm coming too I want to see how you live on Β£800 a yearβ.
Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says heβs looking for two child molesters.
Catholic priests looking at each other: Weβll do it!
He knows all the racist slogans, but don’t have any idea that they are…Sure, Jan
https://ift.tt/2XMxYMr