If a Bluebird has blue-babies, and a blackbird has black-babies, what kind of bird has no-babies?
It was my longest running joke of the year.
One shoots but never hits, the other hoots but never shits.
Because I got one stuck in my ass a couple years ago and me, my family and doctor still remember it vividly
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window.
"I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver. "No way! Get lost!" replied the boy. "How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked. "I said no way," replied the boy. "What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the driver. "No, I’m not getting in the car," answered the boy. "Okay, I’ll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars," the driver offered. "No!" replied the boy. "What will it take to get you in the car?" asked the driver. The boy replied: "Listen, Dad, you bought the Prius, you live with it!"
Business is really surgeon.
Now he's retired.
That's the harvest part.
It’s hit or miss
Because you can’t C in the dark
Dear Sir/Ma'am, We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons: Illegal Downloading
they just finished a 31 day March.
it's too far to walk back.
Because they always have a hunch.
Even the cake was in tiers.
At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
A Christian, a Muslim, and an Atheist all day the same day. They all approach the pearly gates where St. Peter awaits them. St. Peter calls the first man up and asks what religion he is. “I’m a Christian” says the first man. “Very well, continue on and you will be in room 16, just be really quiet near room 8” said St. Peter The next man walks up and St. Peter asks what religion he was. “I am a Muslim” says the man “Very well, you will be in room 29, just be very quiet around room 8” replies St. Peter The third and final man walks forth and St. Peter again asks what religion he was. “I am an Atheist” answers the man “Very well, you will be in Room 56, just be very quiet around room 8” says St. Peter The man asks, “If I may, why must I be quiet around room 8?” St. Peter replies, “Room 8 is where the Catholics are, and they think they’re the only ones here”
Because he was my newt
Schwepped her off her feet
People from Dubai don't like The Flintstones but those in Abu Dhabi do.
He beefed up his security
On my desk, I have a work station.
Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
So I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.
Except the movie Up. He’s never gonna give you Up.
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