If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
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CS student starterpack
I’ve recently got a job making chess pieces.
I'm currently working knights.
It’s quite useful sometimes
When you finished your project…
How warm is a janitor’s closet?
look at the despair in his eyes
Maybe if we all emailed the Constitution to each other…
…the NSA will finally read it.
Stay away from my ram 😭
Saw this amazing phylogeny based off minecraft mobs earlier
Thank god my insurance is tied to the job I just lost.
How dare they!
Hey, bro, can you hack a Facebook account
Got this from my family’s Whatsapp group.
To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you.
I have contacts.
“Yeah I’m Multilingual”
The good ol’ if Loop
When it’s convenient
If those kids could read
No need to rub it in, okay? :(
Why is everyone who works at the keyboard factory so rich?
They put in a lot of shifts.
Well, I must have missed it
Thinly veiled racism; it’s the American way.
How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
My mate David had his ID stolen…
… I now call him Dav.
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Boomers dint even fight in WW2
What’s the difference between the Queen of England and a computer cable?
One's a British WASP, and the other is a USB.
I’m still single on Star Wars Day…
Apparently I’ve been looking for love in Alderaan places.
The watermark on the photo too 👌Fb delivers again!
Uber using “AI”
I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts. When I asked if I could take two, he said no.
I said, “Can I at least Taekwondo?”
Why can’t you stay up until the cows come home?
Because it’s pasture bedtime.
Big Brain Time
Two thousand for a Trump Tiger
Sad but probably true
It’s really such a strange phenomenon.
fREe mONeY, noT iN muh mUrIca!
Man:I am done,i am suiciding. Woman:If you are going down throw out the trash
How do you get a philosophy major off of your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
oh god oh fuck
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber…
He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph." Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead?No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back! "St Peter said," I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken." Ralph was devastated, but begs St Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past."So you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad,"replied Ralph the Hen,but I have this strange feeling inside, like I'm going to explode." "You're ovulating, explained the rooster.Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before." "Never,"said Ralph. "Well just relax and let it happen," says the rooster" It's no big deal." Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg – his Joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell…"RALPH WAKE UP. YOU SHIT THE BED!"
devs on windows…
My idiot friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”
I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead, moron.”
This is how VPN works
This is not a cry for help
Wise old saying
Before your criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.
How it feels like in university
Coronavirus cases in North Korea update:
8:00: 1 8:10: 0 9:23: 1 9:28: 0 0:13: 1 0:20 0 1:47: 1 1:55: 0
I have a friend who keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar…
…but I don’t believe him…
I have a Himalayan friend that told me he was going to the protests today…
… I just saw the news and I think I saw Himalayan there.
I farted in an Apple store and everyone got mad at me.
I told them it’s not my fault you don’t have windows.
I’m jus sayin
If generosity was the only criteria required for heaven all halogens would be in hell
Seriously. FFS. Someone please explain the ratio.
Gotta agree with Shaggy.
T H O N K 💯
Not sure what they are trying to say about Ikea
Why has god forsaken us
I just ate a frozen apple
It was hardcore
Hahaha wife bad amirite?
For those who need a” do not drink ” on the bleach bottle.
“I am not a crook!”
Yeah, this is big brain time
Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence?
It was udder destruction.