If Alan Harper was in super mario bros. what would he be ?
A Cheep Cheep
And it still didn't tell my why it crossed the road!!!
He truly has a one track mind.
A farmer quickly purchased land in a low-lying depression and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away.
Long story short, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so that they wouldn't bypass the ass hole.
The doctor takes one look at him and says, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”
It runs on upvolts.
My kids were discussing allergies at the dinner table. I told them I'm allergic to prison… because it always causes me to break out. Usually my dad jokes are met with awkward silence. This one however got a few legit chuckles. 😁
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back… The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help. A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?” “No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
Came out with a jacket made of bricks and some shoes made of marble.
It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around… and PLEASE don't try to shove it down my child's throat.
But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
I've named him Alen.
She was a dish
It was a game changer.
I told my wife, “I feel bad for saying this but you are getting loose and it doesn’t feel as good anymore”
She replied, "don't feel bad, it's not your fault!"
Waitress: slaps me right across the face "The men I please are none of your damn business!"
You can’t C in the dark
But most just have 4.
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Damn near poked my eye out.
Dad: You can figure it out. Just put tu and tu together.
But when I cuddle another guy I’m “a creep” and “need to leave the morgue immediately”
Every calculator counts.
I thought “What as waist of time!”.
Stupid question, even a child knows that.
It’s surprisingly very handy.
Because You can't c in the dark