If anti-maskers existed during WWII
Chinese takeout: $15.00 Gas to get there: $1.50 Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes… Riceless
I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.
Then we could have a Soviet re-Union
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”. So that was nice.
The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways. The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumber and triple your salary. Just make sure you say you only made it to 6th grade, they don't like educated people." The professor takes him up on the offer and becomes a plumber. His salary triples and he doesn't have to work nearly as hard. But the company makes an announcement that all of their plumbers must get a 7th grade education. So they all go to night school. On the first day of night school they all attend math class. The teacher wants to gauge the class so he asks John, "What is the formula for the area of a circle?" John walks up to the board and is about to write the formula when he realizes he has forgotten it. So he begins to attempt to derive the formula, filling the board with complicated mathematics. He ends up figuring out it is negative pi times radius squared. He thinks the minus doesn't belong so he starts over, but again he comes up with the same equation. After staring at the board for a minute he looks out at the other plumbers and sees that they are all whispering, "Switch the limits on the integral!"
Man: Good news first please, doc! Doctor: We’re naming a disease after you
Did you know SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus? Did you know “tuba” is also an acronym?
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
God greets the three and asks each what they believe in. First God asks the German Shepherd who replies "I believe in discipline and loyalty to my master". God says " this is good, you can sit here at my right hand." Next God asks the Doberman what he believes in. The Doberman replies "I believe in love and protecting my master." God says "Wonderful, you can sit here at my left." Finally God asks the cat what he believes in and the cat replies "I believe you are in my seat".
No text found
It's not hard
They come with an Elon Musk.
I nearly fell off of my unicorn.
Au Au Au
Solo that no one will hear me
I call it my jingle bell rock.
The second one’s a repost.
They both only have two fans
… but she got really upset at me when I actually brought her one.
Parents are supposed to wrap empty boxes to put under the tree. Then when the children are naughty, throw one in the fire.
But what if they run out of children?
Ah, this one got me good 😀
Because it was feeling crumby! (Blatant cake joke for karma! LOL)
Yet they haven't. I don't geddit.
It’s fucking Frozen
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
Because he was in the living room.