If developers were linguists —
Adultery is a sin..
You can’t have your Kate and Edith too.
A friend suggested trying a local honey for my allergies. So I did that.
Now my wife wants a divorce.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland
The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.
Want to hear a clean joke
Window cleaner
How does a tree access the internet?
It logs on.
Our leaders vs local newscasters showing the importance of social distancing.
https://ift.tt/3djWjzY
A snake walks into a bar…
The bartender says "How'd you do that?"
How do you catch a Polar Bear?
Well, first you need a nice ice fishing spot and some peas. Once you have those, you cut a hole in the ice, then make a trail of peas leading away from it. So, when the polar bear goes to take pea, you kick it in the ice hole!
I had a dream I was a muffler.
Woke up exhausted.
Why do riot police go to work early?
To beat the crowd.
And the winner for best neckwear goes to…
Well, would you look at that. It’s a tie.
What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
How many “friendzoned” nice guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they'll just compliment it for hours and get pissed when it won't screw.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner is on me!
How do you keep burglars from stealing your bagels?
Install new lox.
Did you hear they changed the font of alphabet soup?
Now it is Times New Ramen
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.
“Hey dad, I’m taking a shower”
"Alright, make sure to bring it back"
Sad news….I lost my job as a stage designer,
I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on it’s own?
it was two-tired
You should send a picture of your ex to NASA.
Apparently they are desperate to get a photo of A hole that sucks all your time and energy.
I sexually identify as Michael Jackson
My preferred pronouns are He/Hee
What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck
I named my eraser Confidence
Because it gets smaller after every mistake I make
![[OC] That sinking feeling](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/g0njqonnv3r31-400x401.jpg)
My wife didn’t think I’d give our daughter a silly name.
But I called her Bluff.
