If I’m being subjective, the greatest sci-fi show of all time is Dr. Who.
If I’m being objective, it is Dr. Whom.
But the thyme is cumin.
Nothing…. it just let out a little wine.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Woman: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place. Man: Aww….! Are you single? Woman: No, I am a Dentist.
Because Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
Turn both of your pants pockets inside out, and say, “hey, you ever seen my impression of an elephant?” while reaching for your zipper.
…but I'm just not a fan anymore
I was fired immediately.
Except that Chinese kid in the back. He got it.
To cover it’s butt-quack.
You may be dyslexic
Which makes me an eighth theist.
He said, "Dad, do you want to see me kick Flip?"
Do seahorses scallop?
Because the paper is light.
and then there’s you, without both.
But then it grew on me
He was charged with homiecide
To keep each udder dry
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex. Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke? Guy: No I'm sure it didn't. Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died. Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger. Doctor: Exactly.
It’s syncing now
I said, “What’s going on?” “You tell me?” replied my wife. I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.” “A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!” I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?”
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"May I say a word?" Sniffling, the widow agrees. The old man clears his throat, "Plethora" "The widow smiles. "Thanks, that means a lot."
Now if you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow.
I called my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up burgers and fries on my way home from work, but she just grunted at me…
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins…