If Poly means many then…
Politics means Many Bloodsucking Insects
I have a scary joke about math
But I am 2² to say it.
What do you call a Werewolf YouTuber?
Lycansubscribe
It was easy to stop girls from eating Tide Pods.
It was harder to deter gents.
Where did Noah put the bees?
In the Ark hives.
What do you call an anteater that eats ants?
An ant eater anteater. What would you call someone against the previously mentioned anteater? An anti ant eater anteater. What would you call someone who eats the previous person? An anti ant eater anteater eater. What if that person is your parents sister? Auntie anti ant eater anteater eater. And if a play is made about all of this? Auntie anti ant eater anteater eater theater. And finally, who is the director of this play? The Auntie anti ant eater anteater eater theater leader.
A lot of people were confused at the grand opening ceremony…
…of my ribbon-repair business yesterday…
“You the bomb.” “No, you the bomb.”
A compliment in America. An argument in the Middle East.
A lion will not cheat on his wife,
But a Tiger Wood!
I went to a premature ejaculator’s support group today.
Turns out I came early.
A limbo champion walks into a bar…
he is immediately disqualified.
What did Batman tell Robin before he got in the car?
Get in the car
Did you hear what they are going to call the generation of kids born 9 months from now?
Children of the quarn.
My grandpa got a prescription for Viagra.
Grandma's taking it pretty hard.
Why couldn’t the blind man see his friends?
Because he was married
– I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad
Oh, so your dad was a billionaire? No, he also wished he were.
There was a kidnapping at my sons school
It's ok though, he woke up.
♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫
I just sang about eight bars.
I’m pretty bad at building fences
Oops, wrong place for this post.
There’s a guy on boat with two cigarettes and nothing else. How does he light one?
He throws a cigarette off the boat and the boat becomes…a cigarette lighter
How do you avoid clickbait?
No text found
Knock knock…
Who’s there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwowning.
English puns make me feel numb
But math puns make me feel number
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
What does 6.9 mean?
Just another good thing ruined by a period.
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in the jeans.
[Meta] Puns vs Jokes
Does anyone feel a little bothered by the blurring line between puns and jokes? I was driven away from r/jokes because it was essentially a subreddit of meta-reddit-puns, clever at first, but they quickly became predictable in the sense that the punchlines are essentially just play-on-words. Is the general consensus here that the current state of the subreddit is fine? Do we need improvements? What are your thoughts on this matter?
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you get it? Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy. The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers. 'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
Sushi…
…the rolls-rice of Asian seafood.
“Social Media should not fact check posts” says child molester Mark Zuckerberg | The Chaser
https://ift.tt/2TNB1mk
Joke
You could view the cross on the cover of the Holy Bible as a big time spoiler….
HOW TO HAVE SEX WHILE ON LOCKDOWN WITH THE KIDS IN THE HOUSE.
The only way to pull off a lockdown afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: 'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted. 'An ambulance just drove by!' 'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out. 'Matt's out on his bike and his mum is telling him off' 'Looks as if the Sanders are going into full isolation!' 'Jason has had his skate board taken off him After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!!' Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know they're having sex?' 'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar' EDIT: HATERS GONNA HATE; REPOSTERS GONNA REPOST. I LOVE Y’ALL!
I believe if we had a race around the world, it should end in Europe…
Toward the Finnish line
Ahhhh, I remember 2018 like it was yesterday.
http://bit.ly/2BQMo33