According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Two termites walk into a bar and ask
Is the bar tender here?
I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery…
I’ve had it right up to here with them!
Teacher : Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Student : I is the … Teacher : Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student : OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
What are Mexican proteins made of?
Amigo acids
Whenever I go to a sauna, I must have the whole thing to my self…
I have selfish steam issues.
The Greeks invented the threesome
But it was the Romans who thought of adding women.
I’d make a Sodium joke but……Na
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What do you call a failed abortion?
Survival of the fetus
The American school system is very disorganised and poorly run
I guess school really does prepare you for the real world
A chicken pie in jamaica costs £2.00 A chicken pie in trinidad costs £2.15 A chicken pie in st kitts costs. £2.30
These are the pie-rates of the carribean
Coronavirus has been copying the Black Death
Plaguearism
ok so a stoner, a jedi, and a surgeon walk into a bar…
Blunt force trauma
What did the burglar say after detonating a bomb inside Fort Knox?
Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
A priest, a lawyer and a rabbi walk into a bar
The bartender asks "Is this a joke?"
I asked my son, “Hey, guess what!?” Hesitatingly, he said, “What?”
I yelled, "Good guess!"
What vegetable has a hard time breathing? Artichokes!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One's really heavy and the other's a little lighter
People keep saying today is Pi day
But to me, March 14th will always be cake day.
When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she’s either really interested or you’re level 99 friend-zoned
Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it’s shell…
It only made it more sluggish.
Bouncer: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…
Dear dad, University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, your $usie. I immediately replied back… Dear Susie, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, dad
Four engineers get into a car. The car won’t start.
The Mechanical engineer says: – "It's a broken starter". The Electrical engineer says: – "Dead battery". The Chemical engineer says: – "Impurities in the Gasoline" The IT engineer says: – "Hey guys, i have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said "It didn't work out." She told me to be more specific so I said "I just told you, she didn't exercise."
What did the spice maker say when he orgasmed?
I’m cumin!
There was a psychic midget who broke out of jail
The news headline was there is a small medium at large
This joke only makes sense if you follow rugby:
A Scotsman walked into a bar. There'd normally be an Englishman, Irishman, and a Welshman as well, but they're still in Japan for the Rugby World Cup.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as a choir boy
No one in Antarctica has COVID-19
It's because they are ice-o-lated.
A friend of mine has just got a job as a director at Macdonalds farm.
He's been made the CIEIO