If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction
In retrospect, I think my addiction just got out of hand.
Would we call her Fe-Male?
I couldn’t get a straight answer.
The pupils, they dilate
Doctor: I'm a Dermatologist, not a veterinarian.
They'll kill your dog
He exchanges C¥10,000 and gets US$1,500. The next day, he exchanges another C¥10,000, but gets only US$1,499. He asks why. The exchange clerk says, “Fluctuations.” The Chinese guy is shocked for a moment, and yells back, “Fluctuamelicans!”
People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi do
He sits down, holds up 2 fingers and says, “Five beers please.”
My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!" The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!" The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I smell is MOLASSES!"
"Well, at least you could try."
First thing he did when i got him home was make a bolt for the door.
In a Wacondo. My son and I just came up with that joke, driving past Disneyworld.
Thankfully, turns out it's in my blood. I come from a long line of Fathers.
We're telling them tomorrow.
He quiets the audience by raising his hand and then begins to speak… "Uno…" "Dos…" And then he vanished without a Tres.
Smallpox HAPPY TURKEY DAY!
My response; "guess it didn't work out."
But this ones on the house
7 up in cider.
Because it wasn’t a loan anymore.
But when I got home, the tables were turned
Ah, this one got me good 😀
Last night, for example, I couldn’t fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.
… you can actually hear them say "what the fuck are you doing?"
Because "almost underage" sounds a bit creepy.
It's a crisis
Scotish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve: “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing”…
"Forty-five years of misery is enough”, he continued. "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.” Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!” She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Sorted! They're coming for Christmas – and they're paying their own way."
Her: Whatever floats your boat. Me: No. That’s buoyancy.
I only got paper, bindings and glue in the mail
The man thinks, "Awesome! I love punch!" He approaches the bartender and asks, "Hey barkeep, saw your sign. I'd love some punch!" The bartender replies, "Sure thing buddy, you just have to wait in the line." The man looks around and doesn't see anything.
Tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold 😉
Zanki GI deck insinuates iron chelators are used for primary hemochromatosis, but the zanki pharm deck says you dont normally use them in primary hemochromatosis, and mainly just in secondary or iron toxicity.
There was no coffin at his funeral!