If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That’s very humerus.
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Nobody knows the answer so she puts her index finger and thumb together and places it over her nose. Little Johnny then asks the teacher "How do you put 6 holes in 1 hole?" She says she doesn't know. He says "You put a recorder up your pussy!" The teacher, surprised by this answer yells "Johnny! I do NOT tolerate such language in my class! Also, a recorder has 10 holes! Not 6!" Little Johnny says "Yeah I know but I didn't know you could fit it all the way in!"
The blonde replies: "Oh My Gosh! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Because they like fast food.
The bar tender asked, "do you know there's a steering wheel in your pants?" And the pirate said, "arrr it's driving me nuts!"
Makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.
As mushroom as possible.
The assistant in the pet store however guides her to the aquarium and says "these frogs are on special.' "Why would I want a frog" says the woman. The shop keeper looks around sheepishly then says "this frog gives the best oral sex in the world, MIND BLOWING!!" The woman immediately buys the frog and takes it home. That evening she bathes, dresses in her sexist lingerie, lays on her bed and places the frog between her legs….nothing happens. The next day she calls us the pet store and complains to the shop assistant. He apologies profusely and says he doesn't know what happened and offers to come around and fix the problem. When he arrives he ask the woman to recreate the scene and show him what she did. The woman does as instructed with the same result. The frog does nothing. The man strokes his chin and thinks for a moment. Then places the frog to one side and says to it. "Alright! I'm going to show you how to do this ONE last time!"
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
It just ain't right turning your back on family.
Loving the science memes, they keep me sane.
Doctor: Wow! That’s the worst case of Parking Son’s disease I have ever seen.
Don’t worry, no one got hurt.
I can't get out.
My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that's his story and he's sticking to it.
They kill dogs
Because April showers bring May Flowers, and Mayflowers bring white people.
I said BIG ONES in the opposite direction of the fire….apparently the wrong answer.
That spoke volumes.
Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I don’t know you, and This is my trampoline."
A man is sitting at a bar, staring at his drink, not moving. After about 20 minutes of this another man notices and walks over and grabs the drink from the man and gulps it down. He sets the glass down and looks at the man he just stole from, waiting for a reaction. The man who had his drink stolen slowly turns to the man who took his drink and says, "I've had a really bad day. My alarm clock didn't go off this morning so I was late to work, which got me fired. When I went to drive home I found my car had been stolen. In the cab I took to get home my wallet fell out and I lost it. When I get home I find my wife in bed with the neighbor. And now, when I finally get the courage to kill myself, somebody drinks my poison. "
is sphere itself.
I just need to figure out if it's my wife or girlfriend
Dear sir, Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage. Sincerely, your service provider.
I don’t know. Sir Cough I guess.