If you boil a funnybone…
You get a laughingstock.
Which is humerus.
…and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty" are the same sentence.
I hope you're happy now.
Private Smith: “Thank you, Sir!”
Then I grabbed her by the love handles and said, "Just look at all this skin."
It was two tired
Her name was Mae T
Turned on and in the tub with me.
In Cuba, a steak pie will cost you 1.50. But a pork pie will cost 1.80, whereas a macaroni pie will cost 2.30 and a chicken pie will cost 2.75.
These are pie-rates of the Caribbean.
I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas but all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.”
It was too main stream
Knock, knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, W-H-O.
But when I do, he laughs.
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.” With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains. “That’s true,” says God. “So what happened?” she asks. God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”
Therapist: Tell me why? Me: screams
1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it. 2.) They LOVE chocolate.
I still don't know the hidden meaning behind it.
Is was working overtime.
Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.
Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10. "Just don't tell Dad" she says. Hey, it's working thinks Little Johnny. An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and says: "Dad, I know everything." Dad gives Johnny $100. "Don't tell Mom" he says. Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Johnny opens it and says. "I know everything, Mister." The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says: "Well then Johnny, come give Daddy a hug."
Because it would be EelEagle
Schwepped her off her feet…
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing so his friend calls 911
''My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, Ok, now what?
I said: “Please don’t mention it.”
A barbie queue
The *For Biden* files.
The walking debt.
I think I deleted system32
It was the least I could do for him.