I’ll end it all
Now that we’ve got the four malities out the way, we can begin.
The bartender cuts him off saying,”You only get one shot.”
He said "I see you and I raise you."
"Yes, we arson."
All the DNA is the same and there are no dental records…
They both died to become the icon of saving.
Fine wine doesn’t try and escape from my cellar.
Replace the t with an i.
Because the paper is light.
Airport security, for example.
"You know, one would have been enough."
I prefer to think of it as a father figure.
Butane, because it's lighter fluid…
Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other. At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "Why Hooters?" "They have those servers with the beautiful bosoms, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs." "You're on." At age 42, they meet and play golf again. "Where you wanna go for lunch?" "Hooters." "Again? Why?" "They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games." "OK." At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?" "Hooters. "Why?" "The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking." "OK." At age 62 they meet again. After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "Why?" "Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy." "Good choice" At age 72 they meet again. Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?" "Hooters." "Why?" "They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts." "Great choice." At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?" "Hooters." "Why?" "Because we've never been there before." "Okay."
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
I’ve got to say I’m disappointed to see so many of you here
Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.
She stops by Carl's room and sees him putting black shoe polish all over his penis. Dismayed, she exclaims "no, no, no Carl, you misunderstood. I said remember to turn your clock back."
I call it my trail mix.
Regardless, I'm told his family cried heaps at the funeral.